this very nice girl from a poetry zine had some questions. she was
about to put an old poem of mine in her deal. whats the best way to
say hello?
with a giggle and a nice smile. would you let courtney love spank you? i think of courtney love in the same way that latin americans think of the virgin mary: maybe with a tad too much respect than is probably necessary. so yes, id let courtney love do whatever she wanted with me. what is the weirdest thing you ever put in your mouth? after spending six years in isla vista, i have had my fair share of cigarette butts that end up in beer ending up in my mouth. please use ashtrays. when was the last time your credit card was denied? the good book is against credit cards, so probably the coolest thing about living in this era is the advent of the debit card. and before that i used amex, so probably 1989 or so. and i was probably getting baseball cards. what have you done for money that you are ashamed of? the first check i ever got for writing a record review i xeroxed because i couldnt believe i was being paid to tell people that the new elvis costello record was good. ive since gotten over that problem. when is it OK to call a girl a bitch? i believe in absolute honesty. i'd hope you wouldnt call a stranger a bitch, but if one of your friends, male or female is being lame, i say let them know. what wont you joke about? Christianity. He doesnt joke around with me, so it's a fair deal. Describe the way you chew food. like a pig. loudly, slowly, quite disgustingly. i like to savor and experience each flavor. it's not much of a spectator sport. what condiment cant you live with? miracle whip salad many people named Joe do you know? two super generous hippies, someone who dissed me, wow, can it be only three? probably four or five. if you could start your own rock band, who would be in it? greg vaine, and two strippers. and maybe tommy from g'n'r.

state three facts about Flavor Flav. the total package: he had the clothes, the look, the sound, the group and the orthodontia and he was funny as hell. you have 20 seconds to clarify one piece of gossip you've heard about yourself. yes, it is perfectly shaped. enough already. if you could pass one law... id legalize anything that wouldnt kill you if you ingested an ounce of at one sitting. when was the last time you used a beer cozy? what a beautiful name for something. unfortunately i have no idea what you're talking about. You're storming the beaches of Normandy. Do you play dead to guarantee life or charge on and possibly meet death. they flew us there to meet death or bring it, id rather bring it. Do pimps have business cards? iceberg slim says that youre either pimpin or being pimped. on the long list of cool things about real pimps is their class. good pimps have excellent cards that have something clever written on it, but most importantly it would smell like their cologne. how much money would it take for you to sleep with a stranger? the good book doesnt like you doing that. people dont need to pay to get sex these days anyway. can it ever go on too long? sure. thats when you've gotta change the music. does the fbi
have a file on you?
if they do, it's not as
juicy as it should be, im sure.
walk us
through your last surgery.
my pinkie
was severed during a freak piano in-
cident when i was two. that's all i
when does flirting become
when the giggling stops.