tony + mary!
busblog at gmail dot com

nothing in here is true


   Saturday, April 13, 2002  
2nd Grader is late for school, steals car, drives to school, gets suspended

"What do you say about a child like that? Do you congratulate him or something else?" Riverhills teacher June Young said after an 8 year old child drove himself to school and was immediately suspended, despite arriving to class on time.

The unidentified Floridian grade schooler jacked a 2002 Ford Focus from his Brentwood Place apartment complex in Temple Terrace about 7:30 a.m., Temple Terrace police said.

He then picked up a friend, drove 1.5 miles, crossing at least one busy intersection, and safely parked the brand new compact into the faculty lot at Riverhills Elementary School where he was spotted by students who eventually narced his ass out.

The boy said his uncle gave him driving lessons last week, police Capt. Tracy Mishler told the Tampa Bay Tribune. His uncle was arrested Tuesday and is in a Hillsborough County jail on unrelated charges of burglary, grand theft auto and possession of burglary tools.

Police said the boy didn't know he was driving a stolen car and his mother didn't know about the incident. And the teacher still doesn't know if she should commend the boy, but the school does: they suspended him for ten days for putting himself and others in danger since he could barely see over the steering wheel.

Because no one saw the youngster driving the car, and there were no signs of neglect at home, neither the boy nor his mother was charged with a crime, Mishler said.

   Friday, April 12, 2002  
first time i ever met victoria williams was in the 80s when she was married to fomer Plimsole, Peter Case. They both would end up with killer debut solo records on Geffen back then, and one of my friends was friends of theirs - Case actually produced their debut recrod - and i ended up at their house where a hootenanny broke out and i got to play the snare drum as they all sang 60s songs.

one of the best moments of my life.

later that week victoria took the tiny stage at McCabe's guitar shop in santa monica with an old lady's purse full of harmonicas, her friends were there, her dog was there, los lobos was there in the back row with me. these were the days of Lone Justice, the Rave Ups, and the Balancing Act - local LA bands that had what people might call a roots-music feel, a country twang, an Americana folky touch to them, but not the slightest bit hokey, where a harmonica and an acoustic guitar and a mandolin were always nearby.

decades before T-Bone Burnett won his grammy for "O Brother," Victoria and the aforementioned were strumming their six strings.

Victoria sang all of her sweet little tunes that night at McCabes like "Shoes," "Lights," and "TC," and as she has made it from one undeserving record label to the next she has left a trail of wonderful songs of love, friendship and Faith. shes a great song writer and singer and person and personality, and all her records are glorious little gems of joy, especially her newest one and even her live one.

you might have only heard about her when in '92 she was diagnosed with MS and some big time musicians (Pearl Jam, Lucinda Williams, Maria McKee, Soul Asylum, the Jayhawks, Lou Reed) sang her songs on the first Sweet Relief album. the love cured her and she recovered quickly.

she even survived Microsoft using her version of Louis Armstrong's "Wonderful World" when they wanted to launch Windows 95. her awkwardly beautiful voice is startlingly perfect for the song, most agree.

tonight she plays at the Derby here in LA.

   Thursday, April 11, 2002  
the nosey neighbor came over last night. i had a package from ups that they had left with her. my mom's easter basket had finally arrived.

the neighbor likes to chit-chat with me whenever she sees me, which is ok, cuz she's pretty good-looking, and i try to be a good neighbor.

"pardon me for asking, but i have the strangest feeling that i worked for your mother." she said.

"i dont see how that's possible." i said.

"when i lived in illinois i worked for the loveliest woman who had photographs of her only son, and the boy looked just like that." she said pointing at a picture of me on my mantle.

i kept quiet.

"Pierce Bros. Mortuary?" she prodded

"Pierce National Life," i corrected.

"Oh, the woman I worked for was at Pierce Bros. Mortuary."

i couldnt tell her about the mortuary because sometimes we use it for the xbi, the only reason, i fear in my darker moments, that i was asked to join up.

"why is it that you rarely use your parking space?" she continued. "pardon me for asking, but it's right next to my deck."

my phone rings all day. why couldnt it ring then?


"but sometimes i see you drive rental cars?"

"rentacar places dont look at your driving record." i said.

"i never knew that."

"glad i could teach you something." i said.

she invited herself in, i was boiling water for my potatoes. later she asked more questions.

"so are you the only heir to the Pierce National Life fortune?" she asked.

"the money will probably go to my sisters. i like to make my own way."

"are you making twice baked pork chops?"

"why, yes," i said.

and then she taught me the secret to making twice baked pork chops.

the secret is lust.
in a constant attempt to reward the daily readers to the busblog, there will be announcements to concerts on this page as well as links to Ticketmaster. Let me demonstrate:

Ozzy Osbourne brings his hugely successfull Ozzfest tour to Southern California August 31 when it rolls into San Bernardino at the Glen Helen Blockbuster Pavilion. Ozzy will be rocking with System of a Down, Rob Zombie, P.O.D., Drowning Pool, Adema, and Zakk Wylde's Black Label Society.

The second stage will feature metal supergroup Down, Hatebreed, Meshuggah, and others.

Tickets range in price from $38.50 - $128.75 and go on sale Saturday at noon, pacific.

Although it would have been nice if Chris Cornell and Rage Against the Machine hadn't pulled out of the gig, the night should be one of the best of the summer.

Click here for ticket information for Ozzfest shows going on in cities near you!

New to the busblog, for your convienence are links to Amazon for the hottest books, cds and dvds. i got an email from a faithful reader who said that people buy these books and cds and they may as well buy them through me and stoke the Snoop Fund, and i thought that she was right, so you will see Tony's Book Club updated weekly. And I assure you that consuming these products will make you cooler, and getting them from me will increase your karma seven fold. unless you wish to decrease your karma, in which case, it will do that for you instead.

And daily, or semi-daily, you will be privy to "Cheater Scrabble Words," two- and three-letter words that will help increase your Scrabble scores. Many champion Scrabble players use these tiny words but dont know their definitions, therefore, cheating, in my book. I will not only provide the words, but the definitions, thus stoking you in magical ways, just like you stoke me by being here.

And even though it has been requested by people other than just Eric's wife, there will be no photo galleries of moi, other than my secret photo album. There are far more beautiful things to look at on your computer screen other than my tortured soul and thats why i post all the pretty pictures of things other than my dull dough.

   Wednesday, April 10, 2002  
even at the renegade xbi, we have to go through the tedious art of "reviews" once a year to determine promotions and raises and possible terminations.

and just like at many of my other places of employment, here they first want the employee to fill out a self-review, something that until this year, i have never had a problem with, but this year i want to rebel.

why should i give them ammunition to withhold any monies or rewards that i might have coming my way? what could someone do if i either didnt say a thing on my self-review or if i only said very very nice things about myself?

what would be the glory in being honest?

the guy who drove his airplane through a couple of powerlines today is going to have to fill out a self-review one day and do you think he's gonna bring this matter up on his own?


first question they ask is Q. have you taken any additional training to better yourself in your position?

A. a hooker taught me how to discharge my weapon with my left hand, in case my right hand becomes injured or blown off.

Q. what areas do you need improvement in?

A. i would like to learn Spanish, i would like to be better at Persuasion, and i would like to learn how to cut a man's eye out with a ball point pen, like Frankie can.

even though most of us are undercover, sometimes its good to have a reputation that preceeds you and Frankie doesnt need to be undercover any more, all he has to do is call a suspect up and tell him his name and tell him that he will be paying the gentleman a visit unless he does so-and-so and guess what, Frankie doesnt need to learn anything more about Persuasion thanks to his talent with the Bic.

Q. what would you like to see yourself doing in a year?

A. using my three-month Eurail pass with a former nba cheerleader.

Q. what improvements would you like to see at your workplace?

A. i have never liked companies who make a profit off their employees. cans of soda do not cost sixty cents. i know they got lowered to fifty-five cents, but a company should not be making a profit from snacks and the like of workers who are saving the company time and money by not walking across the street to the market and buying a generic soda for a quarter. i would like to see all snacks reduced to their cost. coffee is free, so should be the dr. pepper. or make it a quarter.

tell me i'm not easilly pleased.
people write me a lot of letters. i dont know why because i have no solutions. but some of the stories are pretty funny sometimes, however some are sort of sad. the more i read the letters the more i think that either im living a life that no one else has ever lived, or maybe i am just misunderstanding everyone in the world.

this one girl writes me nearly every day and she has sent me some nice pictures of herself and if they really are pictures of her, i dont understand why her relationships always end up so bad, but she is very nervous about whoever she will end up with next. and i didnt tell her this next story because i didnt think shed believe it, but it's true.

not too long ago i got a phone call from a girl who wanted to ... well, it was a booty call.

as you know i have no automobile and this girl lives in malibu.

she was whispering all the right things into the phone and she was going through the list of ways that i could get a ride out there and she said what about sonny, could sonny drive you out there? and i said no. then she mentioned this ex-girlfriend of mine and i said, no. are you crazy? and then she mentioned this other ex-girlfriend of mine, she said, hang out with her for a little while and then borrow her car and tell her you'll be back in an hour and a half. i said, that girl never lets anyone borrow her car.

then my call waiting clicked and it was one of the ex's and i told her the ridiculous request being made and the ex said, theres a great store across the street from pepperdine that ive been wanting to go to, sure i'll take you.

and people, she picked me up, dropped me off, went shopping and an hour later picked me up and then allowed me to take her to a nice greek dinner.

when i shared this story with my other ex, she was not only not surprised, but she said, "but we all know that she is the greatest chick in the world."

and then she said, we should we only be dating people who would make great ex's, and i asked, are you doing that? and she said, nah.

sad news, though, the malibu store was packed and the good samaratin did not get whatever it was that she was shopping for, but the dinner was spectacular, although a wee bit overpriced, even for colony prices.

   Tuesday, April 09, 2002  
chick returns all i have to say is i was watching the dodgers game and i changed channels and now i am watching and listening to CHICK HEARN on the simulcast.

Gotta go.
Kiss kiss
every gurl on the lips,
Theres something and it's coming can you feel it shooting out of your fingertips?

for the exception of the sonnets inspired by the sorority in newport who practice their kama sutra homework on me, and the tsar lyrics, nothing on this page is true.

but you know that.

how could someone like me score Laker tickets?

Anna's about to play her first tennis match in two weeks and sometimes we just sit on the phone watching tv and talking about things and she said that she has been playing tennis for so long that she wouldnt even know how to be someone's girlfriend if she tried. i said it's like how puppies learn how to skateboard, they just climb on and fake it until it starts feeling right.

then Clipper Girl showed up, so i said bye to Anna, and she was hungry so we started baking chicken and she asked me if certain things in my writing were symbolic and i said this is the juiciest chicken ive ever made with someone, we're quite a team. then we ate while watching the "wedding singer" and i wondered why adam sandler never made a play for drew barrymore. and Clipper Girl drank ice water from a glass and held my hand.

see how boring the truth is?

truest stories ever told are found in the good book and none of you ever read it.

me, i love the truth. and the truth is Tuesdays are becoming my favorite days. first you get the Osbournes on MTV, and it's so hard for me to believe that it's becoming such a popular show because most the times people have absolutely no taste when it comes to television, and from the opening strains of the Tony Bennet guy singing a swing version of "Crazy Train" the Osbournes is a half hour of pure satisfaction.

but the best part of Tuesdays is reading Ken Layne in today he wrote about the lack of UFO sightings since 9/11.

and i would be remiss if i didnt link to the fabulous art that greg is cranking out. ashley saw his page yesterday and was totally amazed and said, "do you think he could do me?"

words that every artist yearns to hear.

   Monday, April 08, 2002  
when theres no football sometimes i volunteer at the shelter, and sometimes i poke my head into the think tank. this sunday they were talking about chess on tv and whether or not it would work if you had the right announcers.

i went outside and took a smoke break and came back in and they were talking about vector art, the newest fad with the cam girls.

bloggers talk about blogs and bloggers, and inspire them. cam girls talk about cam girls and inspire everyone. currently the latest trend with the cam girls is Vector photoshop graphics, where apparently you take a picture and make it look like a pretty decent cartoon.

The ever talented Dolce Caramella's new layout sports vector graphics, as does Melissa, and Jaclyn, and Dominque; however my girl at Bizzomb takes it to an even higher level - no surprises there.

What else is new is the cam girls' experimentation with the horizontal scroll, as nicely displayed by Resha and Coutrney.

What seems to be fading away is the 3D modeling arty stuff still being used quite nicely by Huny, Mindy, and Venenodulce.

The bloggers may have the content - or the links to the content - but the web girls are eons ahead of them when it comes to graphics, html, java script, making money from the site, and establishing and sustaining a following and community.

The question I left the think-tankers was, "for how long will the adults continue to let the teen girls kick their asses? bye, bye!"