one of the security guards at the xbi gave me some good advice on friday.

i read that you're going on vacation.

where did you read that?

he tapped the computer in front of him. i didnt ask if he meant that he read it from my blog or if he read it from hacking into the xbi email system. nothing these days suprises me, especially at that crazy place.

you should write as much as you possibly can on your vacation.

but i was thinking about writing just as much, but more carefully, better, cleaner, straighter...

quanity. you always have quality.

but i wanted to do big picture web site pages.

focus on the blog.

what about a new photo essay?

maybe do one, but write and write and write. let people out there know what you would be capable of if you werent just writing this during your government mandated fifteen minute breaks.

people, what people?

the people who might want to hire you to do this for them.

how do you know people are interested in me writing for them?

he tapped his computer again.

a lot of the security guys are older agents who have retired but want to keep an eye on the action and give advice to some of the younger guys. at 109 i wouldnt consider myself one of the younger guys, but i look a lot younger than i am. im not sure if that always works in my favor.

you're not going to be here long, agent. you need to write. let it out. you're a good man, and i know you work hard. i know your results are better than some people give you credit for, but it's ok. the purpose of the excercise is to do the excercise and you are doing the excercise 100% and i know youre taking risks and i know youre playing to win. keep playing to win.

what other way is there to play?

some people play not-to-lose. they try to play it safe. kick ass. floor it. aim for the big time. dont be distracted by those with no courage or trust. theyre not playing at your level and your level is the xbi level and thats where you need to be and i get it that youre there. now write like youre there. produce, motherfucker. produce.

i was hot in my ski cap and sweat shirt and backpack and still i stayed there to see if he had any more advice for me but he didnt.

we talked about the lakers for a little while and then i remembered that the trains dont run as often after 7pm and i left the office feeling free for the first time in a very long time.

vacation awaited me.

my clean house awaited me.

clipper girl awaited me, as did two interviews on monday with companies i didnt want to work for, but they had work for me that i knew i could do.

super hot chick from work told me that she had just discovered my page and was excited to read all about me and i told her that nothing on here was true and she laughed like i was bsing her.

id never bs her.

got home and my place was so clean. i had left a nice tip for my maid that morning And a box of girl scout cookies. in return my house smelled like oranges, the towels in my bathroom were folded on the rail, my bed had been made for me, and she even put the dishes in the cupboard.

i felt clean, my place was clean, i wanted to rip off my own clothes and just lay nude on my leather couch, but the doorbell rang. it was clipper girl. she had a small bottle of 151in a paper bag, tight pants, heavy mascara, bow in her hair, and what was that? two straws.

i was passed out by midnight.

she let herself out sometime in the night.

in the morning i woke up with the most beautiful sound: rain pouring down pouring down, and when i shut off the alarm i realised that i wouldnt have to worry about that stupid clock for 9 more days.

and that whole time i'll play.

41. Brian ($15)

# | |

people dont talk about good things enough. if you ask me. and i can sorta understand because ive written sad things and ive written happy things and by far the easiest of the two are the sad things.

the elizabeth smart story is one of the happiest stories that ive ever heard and it still hasnt sunk in.

everyone thought she was dead in the woods somewhere.

everyone.

me too, and i am one of the most positive-thinking people ever created.

i love the elizabeth smart story.

here in the month of pisces where theres some very serious evil and some insane love, i am so thrilled that there is this story to balance out all the crap of the inevitable war.

if you ask me it's a miracle.

and i love the fact that the smarts were a lot like the Flanders's, having family prayer time before the kids went to sleep, how the girls played harp together, how the missing posters said for us to pray for elizabeth. it's nearly ridiculous how sticky sweet these people are.

which, to me, makes it that much better, because it shows you that good things can happen to good people.

tonight when all of you kneel down for your family prayer time, i hope you remember to thank the good Lord for letting elizabeth come back safe and sound to her family. maybe she isnt coming back as soundly as we'd like, but she is back, and she appears to be ok, and even though everything isnt now good in the world, at least in one little part of america things are a thousand per cent better.

i hope your friday is a good one, readers of these pixels.

i'm going to do everything i can to make it good for me. and then at six pm my vacation starts.

so lets rock.

metafilter is always good, but especially so on fridays.

# | |

alecia made a photo essay today so i figured it was a good day to interview her.

you did a photo essay!
alecia: i know!
tony:
ahahahahah!
alecia: it took me hours, lol, and it's so short!
tony:
it takes forever doesnt it!
alecia: seriously, i was suprised
tony:
i guess if it was easy, more people would do it
alecia: heh, truedat.
tony:
anyways
tony: i love it
tony: and it makes me happy
alecia:
aww, thanks man!! :-)
tony: are you really going to meet up with
kristin in london?
alecia: i don't know, i'm not sure how her and dc thought
they were gonna get ahold of eachother, that'd be cool though!


tony: name
alecia:
alecia
tony: nickname
alecia: my manager calls me sister
sledgehammer, that's about it
tony: astrological sign
alecia:
taurus
tony: location
alecia: phoenix, az (unfortunately)
tony:
where would you like to be?
alecia: california!
tony: its
a big state, where
alecia: probably san diego or santa barbara
tony:
why arent you going there for college?
alecia: because i got a full ride
+ $1500 a year to ASU, and i couldn't turn it down. i should have though. i might
transfer after a couple years.
tony: what will be your major?
alecia:
computer science with a minor in business...i think.
tony: what
does your s/n mean?
alecia: well nymphalid means a class of butterflies...i
found it in the dictionary. but everyone thinks it means sex addict, and i normally
don't refute that accusation. :-)
tony: are you a virgin?
alecia:
no
tony: where are you
going tomorrow?
alecia: london!!
alecia: (london, baby, yeah)
tony:
have you ever been there before?
alecia: nope! i've never been out of the
country actually.. eek
tony: who are you going with?
alecia:
the theatre sponsor at our school put it together, so i'm going with a bunch of
drama kids, even though i'm not really a drama kid anymore. dc is going though!
tony: do all the boys like you?
tony: i havent
seen anyone write any bad things about you
alecia: no, all the boys don't
like me. people don't dislike me though i guess
tony: who is your
boyfriend right now?
alecia: i don't have a boyfriend
tony:
why not?
alecia: because i'm crazy/scared
alecia: i usually run
from boys.
tony: sorry the pizza man is here
tony:
brb
alecia: lol, okay!
tony: omg this is the best pizza
alecia:
what kind?
tony: chicken pepperoin and sausage
tony:
pizza hut
alecia: (i don't like pizza) but sounds good for pizza!
tony:
how on earth cant you like pizza?
alecia: that's what everybody says! i
don't know, i've never been a big fan.
tony: do you like melted
cheese?
alecia: i used to hate all cheese...but then i started working
at a fondue restaurant and it grew on me. so now i like cheese fondue, but pizza
is yet to grow on me..we shall see.
tony: you hated cheese so you
worked at a fondue restaurant?
alecia: well there is more to fondue than
just cheese!
tony: fire?
alecia: hehe, no, there are four
courses at our restaurant. that's just the first one.
tony: soup,
fondue, desert
tony: what would be the fourth?
alecia: cheese
fondue, salad, entree, dessert
alecia: booyah
alecia: :-)
tony:
salads not a course
alecia: kinda
tony: it shouldnt be, at
least
tony: i guess
alecia: well if soup is!
tony:
was it good salad?
alecia: yes, it's really good
alecia: i can buy
them for $1
alecia: so i do, quite often.
tony: how much
was an entire four course meal?
alecia: it's usually about $40-$50 per
person.
tony: holy shit
alecia: it's really overpriced.
tony:
how many boys have you kissed?
alecia: i wouldn't know this off the top
of my head (i promise) but my friends and i got bored in class the other day and
added up, mine was 17.
tony: who was the last boy you kissed?
alecia:
brian (no creativity)
tony: what was the occasion?
alecia:
um, we were drunk and i have a crush on him, so why not ?!
tony:
was that the first time you kissed him?
alecia: yeah
tony:
was it nice?
alecia: hehe....yeah....he's a really good kisser. i was a
big fan of the tounge ring. :-)
tony: was that the first time you
kissed a guy with a tounge ring?
alecia: umm, yes. with a tounge ring yes.
tony:
are you really going to get one yourself soon?
alecia: yes! my birthday
is may 1...so soon after that i hope. as long as i don't chicken out!
tony:
do you have any tattoos or piercings?
alecia: no tattoos, but i have my
ears a few times and my belly button. i'm thinking about a tattoo..but i'm undecided.
tony:
what religion are you?
alecia: i'm leaning towards atheist
alecia:
but i really don't know enough about it
alecia: so i guess undecided
tony:
are your parents still together?
alecia: yeah, they're really happy :-)
tony:
do they drink a lot?
alecia: not really, but i have seen both of them drunk
a few times. it's funny stuff.
tony: do you only have one brother?
alecia:
yeah, it's just the two of us.
tony: were your parents strict?
alecia:
they're strict about things like school, but they've always been pretty trusting/leniant
about most other stuff.
tony: do they know you get high?
alecia:
yeah, the time a couple weeks ago me and trevor did they could totally tell he
was stoned. so i just told them that i was too and they just laughed at me. i
guess i was good at covering it up though, which is nice to know..
tony:
whats your favorite movie?
alecia: oh my.. probably good will hunting,
but i'm a sucker for kevin smith movies too.
tony: how long have
you had your blog?
alecia: i've had it since november
tony:
have you liked doing it?
alecia: yeah, i really like it! i had an open
diary before, but i never wrote in it...blogs are much more carefree
alecia:
i think i like reading other peoples more though.
tony: i had a
secret diary on open diary
tony: two actually
alecia: me
too :-)
tony: ahahahaha
alecia: why was yours a secret?
tony:
it was my real life
alecia: oh i see..
alecia: my blog is my real
life...except i think it has more of an emphasis on drinking than i really do.
tony:
how are you able to get booze?
alecia: the people i normally drink with
are over 21. or if it's for my "my-age" friends, we'll just have one
of them buy it.
tony: what do you like to drink?
alecia:
vodka and cranberry juice is my favorite, followed by a kamikazee
tony: have a great time in london!
alecia:
thanks!

this means whore

# | |

some days your life is just terrible. some days all the angels and saints take a smoke break and stop watching your back and you never really notice that theyre theyre until theyre not there. sorta like clean water.

im not a victim and im not fishing for compliments, im just typing the truth about things.

sometimes i do type about the truth.

somebody told me to my face today that i was lying to him.

most fucked up thing was not only was i being truthful, but i was being truthful in a way that wasnt making me look very good. i was admitting blame. i was explaining that i wasnt perfect and what i had done wasnt totally awesome, but it also wasnt as totally horrible as it was being painted out to be.

and what we're talking about isnt like the crash of the space shuttle or the little girl who got the wrong blood during her operation, but it sure felt that bad to this person and eventually it felt that bad to me.

and this is one reason why certain men repress their emotions. and it's also one reason why some men lash out.

this man represses and then when theres a government mandated fifteen minute break types and writes about a better time.

a time where little boys rode bikes in the middle of the street past little boys selling lemonade at their doorstep as the wind blew around dandilion thingies and the sun shined bright all day.

no clouds ever, unless you wanted something to look at.

a time where kite flying was a whole project of actually making the kite out of dowel rods, string and wrapping paper and glue.

a time before any of you.

but it woulda been nice if you'd been there.

and man would it be nice if you were here now.

cuz now is killing me.

on a lighter note, this guy steals from me. i find it funny.

audioblogging from iraq!

# | |

when i get my star on the hollywood walk of fame dont expect me to strike this pose.

i really like him, but what the hell has chris rock done to get a star on hollywood blvd?

he made one really good hbo special.

he played a convincing crackhead in new jack city.

he was funny as buckwheat on saturday night live.

that gets you a star these days?

karisa was supposed to come over tonight. then she remembered that tonight was her night to read to the blind at the library.

i was relieved because i didnt want to clean up tonight, and i always do when she comes over.

i especially didnt want to clean up because my maid is coming on friday and i didnt want her to feel unneeded.

shes so cheap it's ridiculous, so i tip big.

youd think that that would encourage her to pay a little more attention to the dishes, but no. it doesnt.

all the guys at work think i should rent a car and drive somewhere for my vacation, but i just want to hang out at home and take it easy.

and do my taxes. and clean out my closets.

and upgrade my computer to xp with a 2 gig chip.

and get a physical.

and read and eat and sleep and sleep.

friday night me and karisa are going to jeanines new condo.

jeanine is having a little party.

if any of you party people who know jeanine dont know, shes having a little party at her new party pad.

metafilter had a discussion yesterday about the new beastie boys antiwar song.

it got tons of comments throughout the thread.

i didnt write anything about it because it's a pretty bad song.

but i totally think that if chris rock deserves a star on hollywood blvd. then the beasties deserve three.

bunko squad + canadians are smug + winkie.org

# | |

the stones are going to play china but the chinese officials wont let them play ``Brown Sugar,'' ``Honky Tonk Woman,'' ``Beast of Burden,'' or ``Let's Spend the Night Together.'

there was a time where i would listen to beast of burden every day for maybe a year.

aint i rich enough?

aint i tough enough?

if i get to go to heaven i want to work for the newspaper up there and i want to ask these chinese officials what they really think will happen if the kids in china hear brown sugar? and because it's heaven none of the bs mumbo jumbo will be allowed to come out of their mouths, just the truth, from their hearts.

"we're afraid everyone will want to have sex," im guessing they'll say.

but doesnt everyone want to have sex anyway? i'll ask.

"ever hear chinese music?" they'll say back and i'll clink my shot of rum with his shot of jd and we'll drink and i'll file my story.

stories are shorter in Heaven, im thinking. super short. super good and super short. lots of awesome, short, exclusive interviews with famous people and people who should have been famous.

i bet in heaven they play a lot of stones' songs.

thats a question that i would like to ask these chinese officials, do you think they play Beast of Burden in heaven?

i have no problem with China. i just want to figure out their deal.

banning particular songs in the year 2003 sung by 60 year old men?

obviously they have never heard the lyrics of "start me up."

moxie

# | |

the new california quarter

please discuss

# | |

then the president said, nononono nooo.

you dont understand.

that whole fucking thing is a bomb.

that bombs the bomb.

its the mother of all bombs.

i said why did you paint it orange?

he said, because pink looked gay.

he said, because if youre going to get blown to shit by the mother of all bombs, you really deserve to see it coming.

he asked me if i was impressed.

i said i wasnt impressed. i said anyone can make a bigass bomb.

i could make a big ass hamburger with 100 pounds of meat but who cares.

he said its easy being a hippie when you have the marines doing your dirty work, isnt it.

i said, your daddy bombed that sonofabitch so much they invented the term carpet bomb in it's wake, and that bastard is not only alive, he looks not only better than your poppa and your momma, but in a fist fight i would bet on him over you.

he said, dude, 9/11.

so i gave him the evil eye.

thats quite a stretch. most of those dudes were saudi, not iraqi.

so then he gave me the evil eye.

some young country bullshit pop music was playing on the boombox in the corner.

two men in suits stared quietly ahead but heard every word.

the president was eating cashews like he never ate anything so good, and the phone on the desk flashed hysterically but nobody seemed to care too much.

i really need you to get behind this project, tony

and by project he meant bomb and you dont make a bomb like that unless youd like to see it go off.

finally he decided to pick up the phone and there werent any magazines around and the tv was tuned to the stock market channel, apparently the president enjoys horror, so i decided to f with the secret service.

there was a black one and a white one.

i asked the white one, is that guy allowed to talk?

they stood there totally wanting to not only say something, but then they wanted to kick my ass, but they had to stand there like housebroken dogs.

nothing is fair.

but bombs that big and fucked up questions while youre trying to work are particularilly unnecessary.

and anyway, saddam is a taurus.

the bull.

the president said, whats a taurus.

i said, someone who you cant force to do shit, not even with the biggest boom stick on the playground.

and bro looked like he was gonna cry and whispered something about it costing pretty much everything.

screaming into the wind + vihm + pshrink

# | |

the president said that he would give me a car if i did a pro war photo essay. i said no.

he said two cars, then.

and for some reason it's easier to say no to two things than one thing

even though it shouldnt.

if he had offered ten cars that woulda been really easy to turn down because where would you park all those cars?

he said, what about a sailboat.

i said, what about two sailboats?

he said, deal!

i said, no i was only asking.

a voice on the phone said that they would give me a corvette, a cashier's check for ten thousand dollars, and one presidential pardon, but that would be their final offer.

i said, legalize pot and i'll do it.

then they called me a bunch of names.

i said, legalize pot and i'll make you two pro war photo essays.

then they called my dear mother a bunch of names.

so i said, okay, what about if i made you ten pro war photo essays, then will you legalize pot?

they said, what about for medicinal use?

i said, deal!

they said, no, they were only seeking clarification.

i dont smoke the pot but i dont think that those who do are seeking clarification.

i bought five boxes of girl scout cookies from a girl scout today.

she said they were going to take the money and go on a ski trip because many of the girls had never seen snow.

i asked her if she had ever seen the snow and she had to look up at her mother for the answer.

and now you know why they dont let the girl scouts bake the cookies any more.

this guy just got his permit + xrated puma ads

# | |

ac/dc got into the rock n roll hall of fame last night. as you know, the back in black tour was the second concert i ever saw. totally changed my life.

yesterday elvis costello was inducted into the rock n roll hall of fame. as you know, ive seen elvis play maybe ten times. i have every recording he's ever made. i even got to get my picture taken with him because the Lord loves geeks like me.

yesterday the police were also inducted into the rock n roll hall of fame. as you might know the Police synchronicty tour was the first concert that i ever went to via help from a ticket scalper. the $12 tickets were sold to me and four friends for $30, which we felt was expensive but definitely worth it since we were in the 15th row. stewart copeland has changed my life in many ways. the best way was in letting me realize that i will never be a great drummer. it's good to learn these things early.

yesterday the clash were also inducted into the rock n roll hall of fame. they opened for the who during the who's first farewell concert. my mom wouldn't let me go to that concert. she kept saying who? i love my mom. she changed my life way more than any rock band.

yesterday the phone rang and rang and someone gave me a lead on a new job and that was nice. he said that his brother reads my blog everyday and this guy just laughed and laughed telling me about everything. i think it would be a good job. i normally don't like to discount careers that don't pay very much, but this is a creative gig and i wouldn't have to shoot anyone, so i might be interested in that. i don't know. sometimes we get comfortable doing what we do even if it doesn't really do much for us. I guess that's why i pretty much exclusively date cheerleaders.

speaking of which, last night one of the most beautiful girls i have never met sent me a cd full of herself including several 30 second little movies of her doing random things like mowing the lawn (she lives in Hawaii), playing tennis up against her garage, and beating her brother at darts. i keep trying to figure out what i have done to deserve such wonderful attention, and this morning i realized it was so i could report back to you that things are better than people might try to convince you that they are. there are really wonderful people out there in the world and some of them are living in foreign lands that you don't even need a passport to visit.

i also got to talk to an old friend of mine who is super cool who i haven't talked to in a long time. i haven't seen her in a while but when i last did she was prettier than ever. she told me that she is experiencing a problem that the boys of her town never want to rip off her clothes and attack her the way that she wants to rip off their clothes and attack them. she told me that she feels very confused about this situation and feels very unnatural because it's her belief that men should be the aggressors in the relationship. then she emailed me a picture of herself in an outfit that she wore the other night when she got barely any play. my jaw dropped and i couldn't lift it up for several minutes. i stared at the picture trying to find the mystery behind the beauty, for it truly was something that i had not experienced in quite a while. she looked like an angel. a sassy angel. an angel who wanted to fall but was too good for any of that. an angel with dirty thoughts. when i was done looking at her picture i forgot why i was looking at it and never called her back to answer her question.

i just went to bed, alone, and wondered if i had left the front door unlocked.

let em come in, i thought, and floated off.

40. megastir

the italian me + a dude from down under + a dude who put me on the top of his list

# | |

sometimes i forget what an incredible life i live already. in this neverending quest for more and better sometimes i forget that hot girls really do want to get naked for me, that i do have a few marketable skills, and that we still live in a country where web-based fantasy gaming is not only a reality, but it remains as free as air.

im looking for some of the finest baseball minds on the internet to join me and a select few into the greatest fantasy baseball league of all time.

my man pk has already signed up, as well as nexus alum christopher from up north, and who could forget mc grummand. good luck without wickman this year, sucker.

and best of all, my old fantasy nemesis, can o'whoopass, has generously accepted my invite in the wake of an nba hoops bath that he is taking due to my mighty knowledge and eerie perception in terms of underrated big men, and wiley three point artists.

this is going to be a baseball league like no other.

there are more than enough catagories to find any weakness in most teams. only the most well rounded and talented team will win.

like mine.

i havent even drafted my team and i know i will win. its destiny, and thats the best part about this season, if you ask me, which is why i now want to beat the best.

come and be that group that i destroy.

live draft this saturday afternoon at high noon pacific time. i am the commisioner.

In order to join, just go to http://baseball.fantasysports.yahoo.com/b1, click the Sign Up Now! button and choose to Join a Private League. Then, when prompted, enter the following information...

League ID#: 33989
Password: sammy

# | |

hi. my name is tony. i always get a little freaked out when i know guests will be browsing the blog. theres some heavy duty movers and shakers who will be checking it out this week so i will do my best to put a nice sheen on everything here.

so lets talk about glasses. kristin from madpony wants to know if she looks better in glasses or without glasses.

strangely clippergirl wants to know the same thing.

personally, i don't know if theres anything sexier than a smart girl, and for some reason the right glasses screams smarts.

for some reason boots are very sexy too. i don't know why.

you know what else i like? barrettes. chokers. nice perfume. funny pins.

notebooks with my name scribbled on it thousands of times.

i like it when girls write notes to themselves on the palms of their hands.

bracelets with interesting charms are nice.

i also like holes in the knees of clothes. holes in stockings are nice too.

and lip gloss.

bless you all for your lipgloss.

and accents are great too. even the fake boston ones.

kitty bukakke

# | |

God did i watch a lot of tv this weekend. my computer, it turned out revolted against me.

i was planning on doing a super sarcastic pro-war photo essay which i thought would just be the funniest damn thing in the world and my computer full on said no way, jose, on my ass leaving me with nothing but my 35" mitsubishi and a tivo full of shows i hadnt gotten around to.

crazy how much time i have in my life when my computer is taken away from me. scary crazy.

i watched and thoroughly enjoyed "Dogtown and the Z-Boys" via a free weekend on Starz. my old girfriend Chris came over and we had Thai and watched It Happened One Night, finally.

i actually picked up the phone when it rang and rang this weekend and talked to a bunch of people i hadnt talked to in a long time.

hopefully you people know that i love you and im not ignoring you.

i went into my computer nook and figured that i could answer some emails with all my free time. i figured that because im a dumbass.

you have no idea how many emails i get. it's wonderful, but i only get around to answering about 8% of them. not even my mom gets a reply to many of her emails and i love her the most of any person on the planet. so please dont feel shunned if i dont write you back. its nothing personal.

youd think with all that email i would have had a virus sooner than just this weekend, but early on i switched over to Web-based email through yahoo, which i totally recommend to you all.

this morning on the bus it was warm. people werent as asleep as they normally are. maybe it was because the trains and the busses were late, but i definatley didnt need my fleece shirt or my flannel. still it was nice to have them there just incase a snowstorm hit LA when i wasnt looking.

as i left the house this morning my neighbor in her turbo saab nearly hit me.

that woulda been nice.

she was driving her stick shift while holding a mug of coffee while trying to dial her cell phone.

none of that looks attractive.

but now that my hair is growing out, i would have made an adorable corpse.

katie is good

# | |

Subj: Re:fullyautomatic
Date: 94-05-27 16:49:00 EDT
From: Jenni677
To: GauchoTony

deer boy,

what makes you think i would let you?

i have an incredible will power, on that sometimes forces me to trade my pleasure for the pain of an another.

i would bite your nose and you say ouch andi would giggle.

please do remember that the girl jenni is often very aggressive because passivity is not my strong suit and for further notice, do not weave tales of seduction to me because i am much too hormonal these days. really i am.

its a very bad scene and p.s., i dig fucked up music like the bee gees- jive talking rocks. and i have an openmind.

are you going to the big apple or what? its pretty spiffy.

i wish i had gotten it on with some city boy. but alas i intimidate.

and i don't wear jeans that often.

you need to devise another scheme.

and i would drive andid pull over and strangle the life out of you and put you in the trunk. really, you should be more careful with whom you select to be intimate with.

we psychopaths come in all shapes and sizes.

even the pretty blond stoking ones.

i want you and you don't even know who i am,

jenni

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you've never heard me call anyone a slut, have you? ever? no. i don't do that.

i admire people who have interesting lives.

some of the people who write me have interesting lives. and some of these people are very young. some might say too young to have such interesting lives.

and i do my best not to judge.

some of these people are hot young ladies. and some of them write in to tell me that they want to make sensual love to me.

and sometimes i even believe them.

one thing that fascinates me about the young people today is they seem to have no clue whatsoever about how diseases are spread, nor do they care to comprehend it when you tell them.

i used to worry about overpopulation in america, but not any more.

these young kids with their bad music are content with fucking each other without condoms, spreading nasty shit, and all die off.

all of them.

a friend of mine was telling me about the porn industry.

im not cool enough to know anything about the porn industry, so i have to rely on "friends."

this friend was telling me that in the history of adult films, only a handful of straight porn stars since the '70s have died of sexually transmitted diseases. part of it is due to the fact that they are regularly tested.

some of these young girls make me want to cry.

everything in the world going for them.

if i ever have daughters im going to buy a gun.

and when they get into high school im going to show them my gun, and im going to walk them to the attic, and there we will put the gun in a box.

and i will tell them that if they ever have sex without a condom, they should towel off, have the young man drop them off at home, climb the stairs to the attic, open the box and take out the gun, and shoot me right in the head.

and then shoot me in the belly so i bleed.

but i always try to look at the bright side of life.

traffic will go down.

where i grew up in illinois, we lived out in the farms.

it took us 45 minutes to get to downtown chicago.

right now it takes chris 45 minutes to get from santa monica to hollywood.

you know how ridiculous that is?

you know what the kids should be reckless with?

not their pussies.

they should be reckless with their hair dos.

and their musical tastes.

they should write poems better than their parents.

they should wear obnoxious clothes

they should be reckless with their html

and their thoughts on the written word, on how to learn, how to teach.

but a hot young body is a terrible thing to waste.

guys will wear condoms.

make them.

dumbfucks.

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crazy ass virus or hacker or some shit creeped into the busblog box on friday and fucked up the program.

i had left my kazaa on and i was sharing with the world as we should all do and some non-angel came into my shit and poked around and left behind a calling card and my computer went boom.

right now im at a local internet cafe here in east hollywood. it's warm. it's almost hot. my buddy jeff from tsar is working his magic on my computer which is a few years old and never had any problems like this before.

jeff is such a good guy he even drove over to my place yesterday to pick it up and he had an extra copy of XP on his person and suggested that we start all fresh and new and i said ok.

the new tsar cd is on its way, he says.

chris came over last night and we had thai and watched "it happened one night" and she gave me a super great makeout kiss because i did something really hard this week and i forgot that that was the promise that she agreed to.

she looks pretty fucking hot, too.

she had these red pants on with these zippers and lines the raced up the back of her legs and down the sides and back up the front.

i kept saying back up the front!

shes such a great friend, and you forget that sometimes when youre banging away at the computer all night and day.

i had two good magazines for her to go home with and that norah jones cd and a kiss on the cheek.

ive caught up on a lot of tv without a computer this weekend. one particular suprize was on Starz who was having a free weekend. i saw The New Guy which im glad i taped cuz it's pretty damn funny and lots of good cameos and cheerleaders in plaid skirts and good music and nerds.

last night i had a dream that Blogging grew like professional skateboarding, and good bloggers could get sponsored by trendy companies and travel around and stay in Best Westerns and dorm rooms and do some housesitting, but basically traveling around the world meeting people and having cute girls sit on our laps.

not smoking has allowed my dreams to come back.

this afternoon i watched michael jordan against the knicks score 26 points in the first half.

then i went outside for a walk.

then wrote to you.

two things i would have never done with a working computer.

and all completed before 1:17pm on a sunday.

now i have the rest of the day to read my Bible.

38. Mike P.
39. Ray I.

kate sullivans rockblog

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