we did it again cuz we hadnt seen each other in a while. and now shes sleeping again. all cute on the couch. i was just about to say that the day has been a great little lazy day primarilly because her phone hasnt rung, but cue the phone. its another one of her gay friends. remind me to take the battery out of her phone the next time she falls asleep.

why is it that they have to call you three four times a day i ask her after she announces happily "im awake!" why cant they just run around and be gay? she slaps me in the head and goes back to reading her book.

i shouldnt complain. my phone was ringing off the damn hook early this morn. it was the old lady. she was having a lightbulb problem. it was 7:30am. i wasnt about to help her with the lightbulb i didnt care that she was 91. i love her and all but its 7:30. at 8:30 she called again to let me know that all was well.

then my mom called at 10am. the girl slept through all of this.

earlier i was watching little freddy adu. or trying to at least, the coach wouldnt let him play. hes 14. hes making more money than everyone on the team. it was freddy adu bobblehead day at the stadium. i dont know, that might inspire me to play him more than 18 minutes. jagoff.

now im watching a tivoed recording of last nights replay of the laker + rockets game. i hate that they edit the games that they show at midnight. why cant they just show us the whole damn game? so it ends at 2:45am instead of 2am, big whoop.

why do i have to rule the world? why do i have to fix all the wrongs that go down every day? escuse me, its 4:20pm.

she reminds me that we've been dating for a year now. she reminds me that shes still mad at me for marrying moxie. shes still on my couch. shes still reading. my tivo isnt very reliable.

if you try to go to the now playing sometimes it freezes up and restarts cuz it wasnt built to have 230 hours in it. she wants to go outside now. she wants to eat somewhere where we can sit outside. girls love sitting outside and eating.

she hates it when i catagorize her with every single person of her sex.

so i tell her that all girls love appetizers and desserts.

she says she knows she doesnt look cute but wants to sit outside before the sun goes down.

shes been pretty great so i say ok.

sk smith + the known universe + mist

# | |

it was that time of the month and we were drunk from margueritas from this trendy los feliz mexican place that had the replacements and tom waits on the jukebox because los feliz is one of the few places to realize that gen*x now has some disposable income so you can get away with charging nine bucks for three shrimp tacos which means one medium sized shrimp per taco with a sprinkle of cabbage and salsa on each (tres la) on little doilies of corn torillas key word little, oughtta be called l'il and now you know how we stay so fit and trim, so the question was anal or oral sex. i said bend that sweet ass over cuz its friday night and the santa anas didnt fly all the way to hollywood for nothing ho.

and she giggled cuz she wanted it and she came last time but her gay friends warned her that she cant really think that you can just have anal any ole time, specially with a black man, and she said are you sure youre not going to stretch my ass out? hair over her eyes eyes half closed us half clothed boom box half up with air talkie walkies trying to lend some mood. i said im going to fuck you. promises are for pussy assed whiteboys. my only promise is you will love it. my only promise is the neighbors will know that im home. my promise is you'll have some new stories to tell your pretty boys. now flip bitch before you make me get a switch and i pointed to the frail little bullshit tree maybe one years old with long green spindley branches that have been known to sting when in the hands of the wrong man.

you could see her thinking. she loved being spanked. she loved everything i did. at that point she wanted the full course but she was also sleepy and ready and drifting and spinning. she rolled over halfway on her side as a compromise and i pushed her all the way over and kicked up the jams.

now i know a lot of kids read the busblog and they should. but you shouldnt believe everything you read. especially on the internet. and especially when right on the top of the page it says that this is all bullshit. but if you want to believe anything believe that i put on a condom, cuz that part is always true. if i find out you little fuckers arent using condoms every time im not going to give you any more tips cuz thats the biggest one. protect yourself even when youre with fakebaked perkytitted lakergirls on the rag who smell like dove and american spirits.

i squeezed out a little gop of ky. my ky was getting old. what does that say about me. it didnt come out right. it sorta came out but in a hard little thing. i rubbed it over the rubber but most of it just fell on her ass below me. she didnt notice. i got another squeeze, this time a bigger one. rubbed it on my hand, then rubbed my hand on condom then slid it in.

wrong one she giggled. i aimed higher. went right in. she was all i ate rice and beans. i was all wham who cares. she was like well now i feel like i have to go to the little girls room. i was all umff you are in the little girls room.

we stopped she went to the bathroom. i put down a towel got a new condom and we did it the old fashioned way. and it wasnt so bad. never is.

and in the morning she woke me up early and when we were done she went back to sleep till noon.

bunnie + virginia + how appealing

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when i was younger and in romantic relationships i could be sort of a dictator. i didnt know how else to act and for some reason that came natural and was easy to do.

it was distructive and uncool and stupid, but it was easy.

now i try not to give a fuck. if a chick doesnt want to go out after she says she does, whatev. if a chick wants to be late for the date, whatev.

in lots of ways im the perfect guy to date.

i even forget all the dirty things these girls do to me.

but work is a totally different thing for some reason.

at work ive turned from mellow to gnarly. i get so pissed off when people break the rules and i get super super pissed when they run around like it's no biggie.

i get so angry its bizarre. here i am mellowman ace and i can get set off when the phone rings when it shouldnt.

im the furthest thing from professionalism in that i dress like a fucking slob, im not as detail orientated as i ought to be, but when it comes to standards and practices im the fucking example.

in the xbi its the only way.

if communication and followthrough arent totally on point, people literally die. and even though im not totally in love with everyone around me, death is a motherfucker. plus, even though i dont get paid shit here i want to do a good job. is that so crazy?

today is beautiful. its warm for the first time in a long time. and by warm i mean hot. all i want to do is get out of here but we have these fucking idiots who think that things are on their schedule. theyre going home right now and we have to wait for their paperwork to arrive - shit that shoulda been here fucking yesterday morning - and then we have to process it and then we can go home.

im not one to bitch, you know that. just fridays. warm fridays. fridays means get out early. i couldnt even fly much today cuz it was windy. when its windy i have to help out on the paperwork and if i bitch someones gonna call me a primadonna cuz i hardly ever have to do paperwork but fuck this shit.

what if i decided to go to a location a day and a half after we were supposed to? why can people do their shit 36 hours after theyre supposed to, but i cant?

of course they will say that i can kill people and they cant but i dont run around killing people when im pissed off.

i want a job where i work with pros. how hard is that?

i want a job where when the shit is done everyone gets to go home and enjoy the sunshine.

i want a job where everyone can look each other in the eye and say right on.

i used to have such a situation.

but now i fly chopper one for the xbi and everythings fuct. and it all went to shit when they took the apple juice out of the coke machine.

makeout city + bob mould + vacant

# | |

got the girl's car washed yesterday. people arent patient. people think that they have more important things to do. when youre driving a car in LA after work you're kidding yourself if you think you have more important things to do.

youre a slave to the traffic. which never moves. youre a slave to waiting for lights to change. youre a slave to the guy ahead of you to make a left even though he wont, he'll wait till the very last minute.

im the best driver cuz i dont fight it. everyones fighting it. saw this orthodox jew in a mini van this morn take his time making a left. this guy behind him in a sporty beemer with a cartoon perfect muscle head was about to blow a gasket.

dude tried to uber-left the jew when the coast was clear, ended up going around to the right. fast and then slow so he could bitch out the jewish man who had the hat on and the beard and the jewish stickers on the back of his van.

we were on la brea south of melrose. land of the hasidics. there was no reason to be all pissed off, beemer guy.

beautiful friday morning with warm winds that we call santa anas.

and i remembered the joke about how do you tell the difference between a porcupine and a bmw.

we used to tell this one at the gas station that i once worked at.

the answer is porcupines have the pricks on the outside.

although it was nice to have a car a little bit, it still doesnt beat the subway+bus situation ive got going on.

and unless im driving around the country meeting girls like you, i doubt it ever will.

dehumidifier + my soliloquy + listen missy

# | |

this week in rock in la

tonight 4/23
michael ian black - knitting factory
david bowie - arrowhead pond
morrisey - wiltern
the osmond brothers - citrus college
wayne kramer - farmers market
tommy lee (dj'ing) - key club
medeski, martin & wood - roxy
lets go bowling - el rey

tomorrow 4/24
general public - troubador
method man - house of blues
too $hort - key club
.38 special - the canyon
distillers - henry ford
thunderstruck (all-girl ac/dc cover band) - 14 below
robyn hitchcock - largo
circle jerks - ventura theatre
system of a down - greek theatre
kid rock - universal

sunday 4/25
flock of seagulls, devo, general public, tone-loc - la coliseum 8am
everlast - house of blues

monday 4/26
seal - house of blues
carlos guitarlos - thunderbird
morrissey - wiltern

tuesday 4/27
sam phillips - largo
morrissey - wiltern

wednesday 4/28
queensryche - house of blues

thursday 4/29
brian jonestown massacre - el rey
jucifier - knitting factory
the star fuckers - cat club

tiffany + mc brown + just procrastinating

# | |

the headline read "gay lovers climb tree, then have sex" and instead of the obvious, the first thing i thought of was how can we get rid of that then in the headline? i have a terrible sickness. i want to write i want to edit i want to think about what should be written about i think about how it should be written. i desperately need to have interesting pictures. i do my best not to write about myself, but i fail horribly. then i have to remind myself the url of the busblog. this is mine. demons and doubters and devils beware.

today i wondered how much money it would cost to shut me up about a certain topic. i play fantasy sports a lot. im playing baseball now and im super frustrated because typically half of the league will stop playing before the mid-way point but it already looks like that number is increasing to 80% before the first month is finished.

in fantasy sports you are constantly thinking about trades. trade offs. betting on the future. leveraging from a point of strength. i won two out of four basketball leagues last year and one of em was actually challenging. the two that i lost were insanely challenging, probably because people actually paid.

to silence myself about politics is like trading a slow-footed third baseman who doesnt hit a lot of homers for the catcher of the colorado rockies. you should always go for the quick upside in fantasy sports because the clock is ticking.

in real life though, i hate sellouts. and even though i have no money i dont need any dumb money.

those two gay guys climbed a tree and had sex.

that couldnt cost very much.

so the obvious question when you see the headline gay lovers climb tree, then have sex is how much sex can two gay guys have in a tree? or is the obvious question is it interesting because theyre gay or because one is 17 and one is wearing a wig?

straight couples have sex all over the damn place, and you'd think as creative as the gays are they'd be having sex all over the place too. but i guess not because its rare even to see gay people making out. even in la. even in hollywood.

normally im against adults having sex with young adults under 18, but if the dude is climbing a damn tree to get some, that kid wants it. so let him have it.

very few people id climb a tree to bang.

xtina, mariah, anna, monica sweetheart, and serena williams. i know you thought id say my truest but we'd fall out the tree and go splat. at least i would.

today we formated the d: drive. by buddy jeff said right before you hit yes to the format say goodbye porn.

i said goodbye porn, and an hour later i had my 189 gig d: drive back.

and like osmosis, without much help from me, the porn of the internet has already begun to find itself into my computer.

welcome back, porn.

and if you dont think i havent thought about making a totally x rated blog where all i talk about is fucking smoking and drinking then you have completely underestimated me.

jusmare + sahalie + zulieka

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weirdest day, pardon me while i vent. fucking motherfucking ticketmaster fucking fucking fucking raped me again. as always as usual. howard stern gets fucked for saying hell i dont even know what he says. but ticketmaster gets to make as much fucking money as they want, mostly stealing from the youth of america.

got a hot tip while inbetween swings at this fucking chump today. he didnt want to tell us who his boss was. where the shit was. so my dude had him by the ears and kept bashing the back of his head against the wall.

he kept saying fernando marquez.

i was all its not fernando marquez beat his ass more. so he beat his ass more. blood was slowly building between his lips. but bro never stopped his stupid ass one gold toothed dumbass smile.

i said my fake name is fernando marquez motherfucker. thats where youve heard that name. im the fucking man. he said jess i know jew the fucking mang. so i said give me something else then give me something fucking else. give me a warehouse address give me a combination to a safe box. give me something.

and only in LA would some fucking straight off the boat, no check that, straight out of the back of a fucking tijuana pickup truck would some asswipe say

the pixies will be the special guest for the Coachella pre party at the glass house in pomona.

my dude had his dick out he was about to piss on the cuts he had carved on the fuckheads arms and shoulders. i work with the classiest gentlemen, i know.

i told my dude to chill for a second. he kept his dick out and took a long gulp of the half empty miller high life.

got back from the van and dialed up ticketmaster. i didnt see it. i said i dont see it you fucking lying sack of shit. dont make us both piss on you.

he said go to my homepage. he gave us his url and there it was.

pixies live in a small club.

so i got online and i fucking had to sign up to ticketmassah again cuz i hadnt been raped by them in so long, and there they were, two tickets for $30 each. i told my dude to untie the mother.

the only shipping options that ticketslavey offered was 2-day ups for $20, or 3-day for $15, or will-call for free. even though karisa doesnt ever have problems with will call, most los angelinos know that thats a fucking trap.

will call is the line that suckers line up in if they want to miss the show because EVERY fucking media motherfucker is getting in all the shows for free and they get their tickets at will call and theres never enough waiting for them, and they always want to talk to someone important and that asswipe is never around and its drama and the line Never moves. ever. if i ever wanted to take pictures of well dressed hollywoodians pissed off it would be in the will call lines to shows.

my subtotal was $95 because somehow Ticketmaster is allowed to charge $12 "convienence" fee PER ticket plus they get to pretend that UPS charges $14 for a 3-day delivery. fuck them and my lifelong devotion to the politician who calls bullshit on their monopoly.

but i will get the tickets delivered by monday probably, even though i wont be at home.

and we left the motherfucker bleeding and nude on the corner of western and hollywood blvd and he didnt bitch because he knew that he should be dead.

and then someone emailed me to tell me they sent me some money and that was super cool but i was all like what am i supposed to do with this.

and then someone else asked me to take pictures for them for $200 in a few weeks but my cameras broke. and now its 4:20 and i just want to go home but i cant because we got a call that theres a naked guy at the hollywood police department yelling xbi xbi which means we have to shut someones mouth. forever.

and i will tell you this about peer-to-peer networks. i seriously doubt i would have paid $100 out the door to see this band if i hadnt downloaded their Minnesota show of a few weeks ago, their first show in years and years and years - and was amazed at how great it sounded and how many songs i remembered and loved and loved and loved.

even if they forgot to jam the one about the superhero named tony. i believe its called tonys theme.

we are full of shit + britcoal + kitty bukkake + sk smith

# | |

it's always nice to get email. but yesterday i got what might have been a drunken email asking me about my relationship with ms flagrant disregard and whether or not i had pissed her off.

dear drunken emailer, i have no idea whether or not i have pissed our miss splinky or not, but i doubt it.

the emailer also complimented me on my sports blogging, of which i proudly accept the kudos.

next time put your name at the end of your email so i can address you personally.

a commenter named Ian said he would fund my trip around the country/write a book/take pictures project as long as i didnt bushbash. if i accepted that i would be a sellout.

so im a sellout.

i would travel around the country and write about it and include a chapter or two about politics for $30k

i would travel around the country and write about it and not include anything about politics for $40k

send your check(s) to

Pierce
4845 Fountain Ave. #15
Hollywood, CA 90029

what im thinking is a big book, each page would have a big picture on the left, and text on the right.

simple.

people have written in and asked why i havent talked much about the Lakers.

easy, cuz their season only just began.

their preseason that is.

and once they get done with Houston, their real season begins.

j-mo + danielle + science blog

# | |

in isla vista nineteen ninety music couldnt get any better. half of tsar were in the wonderfuls. half were in mons pubis. and half were in the brothers steve.

the best band of iv changed every night. one night it was a bunch of heroin taking punkers from downtown santa barbara called bad neighbor. one night it was the all girl even punker Pre Marital Sex. one night it was keith browns glitterbug. one night it was the sean white band. one night it was grateful dead-esqe electric blue.

a metal band that year was flown to florida to compete in mtvs battle of the bands. their name was indica.

but the next year indica had been forgotten because isla vista's ugly kid joe had actually broken through and had a top 40 hit on mtv, the spunky i hate everything about you.

people speculated as to who would be next to get signed and be huge.

because the pixies had a minor hit with "here comes your man", locals immediately pointed to pop punkers rogue cheddar. a working man's camper van beethoven.

rogue cheddar's bass player, and axe wielder, was a fella named tom, who is now better known as tomdog, buzznet's #2 most active user (second only to buzznet founder, mc brown, who used to play rogue cheddar tunes on kcsb-fm where brown was music director).

at blogtime, with 11,506 buzznet comments posted, tomdog is only 1,100 comments from being topdog.

rogue cheddar was the thirsty thursday house band for quite awhile. thirsty thursday was the weekly keg that my hippie friends hosted nearly every thursday for the four years that i was at ucsb. bring a buck and your own cup was the environmentally conscious motto of the long-running party hosted by jesus rob, toms next door neighbor when they lived on sabado tarde.

at first rogue cheddar was very bad.

they were the sort of band where youd get your beer and walk into the house and pick up on girls with the closing line of, "come with me, i live very very far away."

and then seemingly overnight rogue cheddar not only had it together but they had original songs, a band groove, a tightness, a style, and a feel.

it was truly bizzare.

they were still playing thirsty thursdays but now they were releasing 7" singles. i still have one.

they ended up playing on my radio show.

soon they had a tape out.

but then, as was the case of lots of great rock dreams, the singer fell in love and the band sorta fizzled into the overstuffed manila folder in the sky labeled "the woulda-beens".

today tom turns thirtyblahblah years old.

when he was here in LA last he brought me over some rum, he gave me some good advice about my bicycle, and we even took a nice ride along sunset and downtown in the cuban girl's honda element.

a few days later he created a buzznet account, and the internet hasnt been the same ever since.

beth m. + hey red + meesh is back

# | |

i dont know how much more in love i could be with this burrito. its a chipotle burrito. chipotle i believe is partitially owned by mcdonalds.

if you remember the second season of the Osbournes, ozzy became addicted to a particular burrito. it was the chipotle burrito from the beverly center in beverly hills, where i got this particular burrito from.

i get the shredded beef mild salsa black beans sour cream and cheese.

its a big fat burrito that lures you in with the spiciness and keeps you hooked with their magic ingredient that i can only describe as love.

when Senior Vista's opens up in Isla Vista there will be a burrito that i will call The Ozzy which will be curiously similar to the burrito that i am nursing right now that i would marry if it could only clean up a little around the house.

if only chipotle toasted their burritos After they wrapped them for you, so as to lock in the magic and melt the cheese oh so slightly.

of course i will have to invent a post-burrito toasting machine that is curved but that will be the least of Senior Vistas worries.

getting closed down for having bikini girls working the happy hour keg will probably be my biggest hurdle

because i wont be hiring any bikini boys

thus sexism

thus a huge fight

thus i will have to pay off people to look the other way

etc.

martsanz + jarret house north + steph does south beach

# | |

call me grumbly mcgrumbly today. got chewed out for killing a perp this morning. i was all, this is what we do. they were all this isnt what you do. youre supposed to fly the helicopter and tell us where the dude is. i was all sometimes im the only guy there and its a clear shot. and they were all dont do it. whatever you do, let the other agents do it.

so steer chopper one around is what i will do and i will collect my paycheck and i will keep my thumb off the "laser" and i will look at the pacific and the mountains and the swimming pools and think of what i will do for a living in the next few years. cuz it aint being undercover for much longer.

i drove to work today in the cuban girls car. i almost want to take the bus tomorrow because i only have a week left to read the rest of the basketball diaries and i have to read it in order to teach it.

wednesdays are rough days for me because i get to fly around in the morning but then im supposed to have "office hours" where other members of the agency get to ask questions of me and go over plans for the next few weeks and next few months.

its good for everyone to be verbally in contact with each other, and it has cut down on errors and miscommunications but its a royal pain in the ass because theres no set schedule and most of the people, except for danielle, love to come down either right when i want to take lunch or right when im ready to go home. thats so not cool. and then theres the people who dont come down at all. and of course those are the ones who make the most mistakes.

i just want to drive around the country. how hard is that. i just want to write and take pictures. i could do that anonymously. i wonder if i could get a book deal based solely on this friggin blog. would people buy a book of a guy traveling around the country writing about america and taking pictures? probably not. plus i got nothing to say. plus im not some blonde bellyshirt wearing chickie and im not someone whos got dirt on michael jackson and im not someone who has dirt on the president of the united states of america.

i dont want to have dirt on anyone. i want to write a book about america and tell people that america is ok. i want the world to know that most of america doesnt get shown on tv. that most of america are people living in cul de sacs or drive fords.

that most of america, probably, couldnt give a rats ass about janet jacksons nipple. or about weapons of mass destruction, or even about howard stern for that matter. its my belief that most of america doesnt want anyone telling them how they should feel about things, or what they should be protected from.

but i dont know

which is why i want to meet them.

and then take their picture.

and if theres young women out there interested in kissing a real life b-list blogger, well i suppose with the right amount of wining and dining that might be arranged as well.

as long as afterwards they continue to say nice things about me.

ive had g-mail now for a week and i still love it.

hobo chic took a picture with ferris bueller + twenty-somthing + madmathias

# | |

this has been the weirdest day. got to work and they sent me home because i had earned too many vacation days so they told me to burn one.

i didnt know what to do.

so i went to the new target in hollywood.

all i needed was toilet paper and some sticky grip tape stuff for the bathtub so no one slips when theyre taking a shower.

and maybe some two liters.

left there with a receipt that said $180. i remembered that my dvd + vcr had stopped dvding months ago and the vcr had begun to eat tapes.

got a combo for $110. go video.

there was a time when i would buy nothing but relatively high end audio and video: mitsubishi video, denon and sony audio. but when you can get a dvd/hi fi vcr for $110, i really cant afford Not to buy two a year.

what i can never do, however, is throw away the broken machines. i have a problem.

my baseball card collection closet is being upstaged by what is begining to look like a dvd mausoleum.

theres a jvc first gen dvd player, the apex one that had the macrovision mod chip in there, a mits hifi vcr with jog shuttle remote, a panasonic hi fi, two direct tv receivers one with the first gen access card, and my brother in laws powerbook.

and now a magnavox dvd + vcr combo that my ma got me from target when we all hung in palm springs.

after target i went to the good guys and tried to get my camera fixed for free since i had bought the extra warranty.

they said they couldnt fix it for free because dropping it on the ground is not covered.

looked at the big screen tvs. huge. two grand. its amazing.

then i went to beverages and more and got some tequila, some sam adams cuz i think im hanging out with karisa tomorrow, and a huge thing of sour mix for amaretto sours which i crave because i havent been to vegas in far too long.

i almost bought gasoline on the way home, but it was two dollars and eleven cents at the cheapest place i noticed and i at least want a free carwash if its gonna have to be like that.

when i got home some guy said he'd paypal me ten bucks under two conditions:

1. it didnt go to the car fund
2. i put up a new picture of ashley

and then i got caught up talking to the 91 year old lady upstairs and now i cant go to the rock show.

now im printing out your pot stories cuz i was explaining to her what four twenty meant and then that led to this and that and whatever.

she was watching celebrities uncensored.

lick bush + bill gillespie + noah glass

# | |

if i was a better editor for lick magazine i would have thought of this earlier.

so maybe you at home can play along.

this will be the first time that i have encouraged anonymous commenting, but as clipper girls cousin told me last night, i need to mellow the fuck out.

and what a better day to start than today?

since today is four twenty i'm going to write about the first time i smoked pot and if youre so inclined, youre going to tell your first time, anonymously if you like, in the comments.

but tell the truth.

or you can tell a funny story or an interesting fact.

but before i do that, tonight at the derby outright genius Mark Antonides at 9pm, The C at 10, and the debut record release of Shapes of Race Cars, dylans new band.

or you can see cypress hill at the henry fonda which is sold out cuz its four twenty.

the first time i smoked pot was in scott speidens garage in seventh grade. i have very few memories of seventh grade but this one is crystal clear. we were standing in a circle. it was fall. we were listening to ted nugents dog eat dog. i got the joint and i inhaled and passed it around and got it again and inhaled and i didnt get stoned.

i thought there was something wrong with me or maybe i hadnt done it right, but i walked around and tried to pretend i was stoned for a few minutes but then i went back to the party.

the first time i got stoned was with a big titted bisexual punk rock girl named myra at her place in westwood. she rode me there on her vespa.

we watched late night music videos and made out and smoked out of a beer can.

in those days you could just make out all night smoke out of a can make out and watch videos and everyone was happy.

then i went to uc santa barbara. ucsb. u can study buzzed.

before i went there i really thought that if i was at college there i would be able to study more because it was on the beach and away from the city.

i studied alright. once while camping my hippie friends thought it would be funny if they put some acid on my breakfast graham cracker.

i woke up and had no sense of time dimension distance or reason.

i stared at my hand for maybe a half hour.

late late late that night someone passed around a joint.

it was so late that it had become early.

and the sun came up and we passed out listening to pink floyds wish you were here.

and it wouldnt have been the same without that natural herb.

mark antonides + shapes of race cars + dylan + monty

# | |

yesterday mr doc searls reminded the world of the cold hard fact that alas i am not one of the vaunted members of the technorati top 100 blogger club, but said i should be considered an a-lister nevertheless.

with all due respect to the learned gentleman of letters, and a fine example of the gentle wisdom of californias central coast, i will have to disagree with him on this particular point.

one must draw the line at some point. i love technorati. i am saddened by the brutal truth. but the fact remains that in blogging, just like in life, i am merely above average, and by no means excellent.

the scoreboard doesnt lie and in a blogosphere where fark is #10, metafilter is #17, wil wheaton is #20, the smoking gun is #43, lileks is #50, belle du jour is #65, rolling stone is #70, ev the president of blogger is #97, and wonkette barely squeaks in at #100 - where the heck do you think dumbass tonypierce.com + busblog is going to fit in?

not that i care much, the only reason i do this is to get laid, create lies, and have an outlet to remind whoever will listen that not everyone in america is buying the bullshit thats being shoveled on us from washington, but there are several forces aligning against the busblog having a better rating in the links and the hits columns.

my peers, for the lack of a better word, are hipsters. smart, creative, independently minded cynics who do things like think about the politics of linking a "popular" blog like this one. some think, why link tony, everyone else does. why link the busblog, thats like giving into the establishment. or why encourage tony, it'll only feed to his misogynistic ego.

then there are the firewalls who think that theres porn on the busblog and wont let their employees access this r-rated (but not x-rated) flurry of swear words, misspellings, but rarely nude photographs. which is ironic because if this page did focus on nude photographs odds are itd be as popular as the 6 suicide girls pages that are rightfully in the technorati top 100, not to mention their news page which ranks #4.

i could go full bore politics during the stretch of this next election and start linking and kissing the asses of the quote unquote a-listers whose occasional links would inflate my currently respectable, but ultimately failing numbers

but at what cost?

and what sort of example would i be leading?

underneath every good blog is a theory and an experiment.

on drudge's the theory is "we can convince smart people that this is the real news of the day" and the experiment is "how long will it take the republicans to realize that their #1 radio voice is a druggie, their #1 blogger likes men, and their #1 tv host is al franken's best publicist."

on this blog the theory is "wordy prose and pictures of hot chicks will outweigh the fact that the author is neither good-looking, successful, or talented" and the experiment is "despite that, after years of panhandling, a dedicated blogger will be able to have his readers paypal him the equivalent of a new car and he wouldnt have had to sell out an iota."

yes i would like this blog to be read as much as wil wheaton's, but he was in stand by me, people love him in stand by me.

i cant compete with the kid in stand by me.

how the fuck am i supposed

to compete

with the kid

not cory feldman and not the other one who dated guiliana depali
and not river phoenix
and not the fat kid who barfed

in stand by me.

dirty fez + lick blog + blogging.la

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dear ruzz,

please accept my apology for snapping at you in the comments of my last post.

the last thing i would want to do is offend a good natured reader, especially one from canada, our neighbors a la nord.

things are a little tense down here.

i dont want to believe it, but this motherfucker might just win again.

i see him on tv and ive never seen anything like it, but then i remember that i used to feel the same way about his old man.

ive had to put horse blankets over my bullshit detector because any time he fucking opens his mouth it starts overheating.

and ive never been a kerry fan. i still dont know how dean fucked up but apparently he did and so now we've got kerry and i watched him on meet the press yesterday and the man was good. he was reasonable. someone said all he has to do is smile and its his.

but then i saw the president on tv today in pennsylfuckyou somewhere and he was smiling, and the people were clapping, and there wasnt one person who yelled out fuck you you fucking liar whys my kid going to your fucking war

instead they just laughed and clapped and that motherfucker just kept on smiling

the only thing that pisses me off more than negative anonymous commentors to the busblog are people who claim to be Christian who try to use that as a way to identify politically with something.

Jesus said give to ceasar whats ceasars which to me means, keep your damn fucking money, keep your stupid fucking politics, keep your fucking ideas about what love and faith are: im talking about a better place where pussy power and dead presidents dont factor in at all.

the idea that there is a Christian Right in america, other than the klan, with greater control over the future of this country and therefore a huge influence over the world gives me the same feeling that i would have if i opened a door and saw rush limbaugh getting it on with my mother.

meanwhile, with as much love that i have for canada for giving us neil peart, triumph, pam anderson, neil young, phil hartman, michael meyers, strange brew, oscar peterson, and chong it pains me to see you progress quicker than america the beautiful.

its bad enough that you figured out socialized medicine before we did, but did you have to rub it in by legalizing weed too?

my head usually isn't as far up my ass as it must have been today, but you were correct in pointing it out, and i apologize for not being more greatful.

i blame the president.

tell me that most of the girls up there are like raymi and i'm there in a heartbeat,

tony

the second hottest chick at the xbi just got a blog + doc searls quoted me + ashman's blog

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hey little kid at the gun show,

yes i do have a question for you.

i have lots of questions for you.

my first question for you is which of those rifles do you think Jesus would buy?

second question: dont more homosexuals frost their hair than heterosexuals?

third question: what are you doing with your hand in your pocket?

fourth question: what does being American mean to you? does it mean hating everyone who is different than you? does it mean trying to pass laws to prevent those people from living their lives?

fifth question: shouldnt you have an ozzy shirt on?

sixth question: unless your parents are jewish hippies, when you completely align with your parents in your teens you push back the normal period of rebellion into your college years.

do you realize that means that you will be listening to clay aiken on your 21st birthday and fugazi on your 22nd? thats like putting boiling water in a glass pitcher of ice.

do you realize youre about to crack? and you'll be armed?

seventh question: shouldnt you be smoking weed, beating off to paused tivoed frames of jessica simpson's cleavage, thinking the offspring are punk, and losing at online xbox games?

yes, canada, this is whats growing up right next door to you.

we can only hope he meets the right girl who slips him a little acid and takes him to prince concert.

or better yet, meets a boy.

aint no bad dude + karisa's college apartment + annika flatters me

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dear president bush,

thank you but i must return your check for ten million dollars to write ads for your re-election campaign.

i have no problem attatching my good name to the work that i would do for you, but im afraid of what you'd do to this country and to the world if you were allowed four additional years to the four you stole.

you've started a vietnam in the deserts of iraq and within a year or two the concept of an involuntary draft will be as real as the concept of paying two twenty five a gallon for unleaded.

its shameful that you get to be called an american.

americans have courage and that doesnt mean the courage to continue to fuck up, but the courage to chill the fuck out and stand down ho and i know that you cant do one thing gracefully to save your soul but this one is cake.

you stand behind whatever mother they put in there and you bring everyone home but youre not gonna cuz youre addicted to that gooshy sticky stuff.

youve unified iraq in their hate for america, now let them vote for who hates us most and leave

like a bitch

ive never seen our flag take on so many different meanings than in the last four years and most of them sicken me.

how ironic the flag on the upper left corner of the life changing check that i am sending back to you.

plus its missing a zero and you never brought back twin peaks.

william hung + kitty bukkake + raymi the minx + the daily stern

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for the amount of pictures of half naked chicks i get a lot of female readers. some of them write to me and offer suggestions and requests.

i always try to fulfill requests. so there you are gals,

a moist prince william.

fucked up and took at nap at 7pm last night.

didnt wake up until 9:15p, far too late to go to the tsar show. second tsar show in two days that i missed.

their four song cd sampler that they gave out at the el rey has been on repeat in my boombox

theyre four hard rock in your face anthems that reek of passion and remind you that you havent heard very many guitar solos lately.

if tsar does one thing with this new record, its that they will reintroduce the guitar solo.

rock guitar solos, unlike princely good looks dont just happen naturally

but tsar makes it seem that way

the songs on the cd sampler, so that you can look back and say, pierce told us about this shit back in april of oh four are

band-girls-money
wanna get dead
wrong
straight

with a little ditty called star time that ive been linking on this blog since last year.

thats five kickassfuckyou modern rock ready

singles

that make jet look like a poor mans georgia satelites.

which they are.

i dont know when this record is going to come out, but when it does im not only going to ask each of you to buy a copy, but im going to ask you to buy two.

i dont care if i ever have kids or get married or get rich or live to 112, and after watching the cubs this weekend, they seriously might be cursed.

but i can perhaps help tsar make it.

and you can help too.

this is evil music for evil people, the way it should be

with a positive message of hope and love and heterosexuality for no good reason.

and when you buy your two copies, i want you to give one to the person who first taught you about rock

as a thank you.

im going to give a copy to my long lost friend sonja melcher who in high school first played adam ant duran duran the cure and the sex pistols for me.

im going to give a copy to my long lost pal willie aaron who turned me on to coletrane monk and the replacements

and im going to give a copy to kcrw's music manager gary calamar who hired me at the record store that i met willie and many other excellent people and who played elvis costello tom waits and the velvet underground for me.

you might even be able to buy autographed copies from this very blog.

if youre lucky.

casey + bored housewife + candied ginger

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one day there will be a vice president who will hold a five foot bong in his hands so as to appease the pot smoking voters of america. some people say the pot smoker vote isnt an important one but they couldnt be more wrong. the pot smokers are the first to give someone a chance.

the other day i was at a rock concert and a jay made its way down our row. being straightedge i let it pass by but nearly everyone in our little area was taking puffs and handing it to the next person and none of those people knew what was in that thing but they all just trusted and believed.

those are the people that i would want to talk to if i was running for an elected office.

i would consider them an easy vote.

our vice president, though, yesterday chose to pander to the gun owners association.

parents get all up in arms about their kids seeing nipples on tv or hearing howard stern talk to strippers because it might fuck up their children and damage them somehow

but i bet you every day a kid gets shot and or killed by a gun. no wait, im wrong.

every day 14 kids are killed, 81% from guns.

wheres the parental outrage?

sure those are numbers from 1999, the last time the CDC decided to do a study, but 14 kids, 13 kids, 12 kids, even one kid a day dying from a gun, you'd think this would be an issue for those who pretend to be all freaked out by shock jocks.

far as i can tell, howard stern saying penis hasnt killed anyone.

In 2001, gun violence killed 29,573 Americans. thats 81 a day. thats more than 3 an hour. thats more than one gun-related death every 20 minutes.

but there you have the vice president holding his phallic symbol of power and protection and defense and safety.

three incredibly handsome men checking out that nice long hard shaft.

whoops a kid just died.

in ninety minutes another one will go.

dont let it get you down though, fellas, odds are it was a brown kid.

keanuvision + the ward + bing

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