tony + mary!
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nothing in here is true


   Wednesday, April 12, 2006  
its been about a year since ive had a girlfriend. i guess that serves me right since i wasnt very good to my last ones.

but still, i put out, chicks oughtta be banging down my door.

and i like romance like the slow jamz, and fireplace fires, and makeout competitions, and breakfast (burritos) in bed.

i dont cheat, i dont lie, i dont blog about the relationship. i know cool people. i have a decent record collection. i dont do that many kinky things in bed. on the floor is a different story, however.

maybe i need to go to more bars to meet the ladies instead of thinking that theyre just gonna come to me off this blog. like theyve done in the past. like they will in the future.

its gorgeous here in LA, 80 degrees maybe, but i have a flannel on. i went to mcdonalds for lunch and the lady didnt speak english cuz i was in a mexican neighborhood. they have this new machine there that chops up the potatoes and turns them into french fries and even loads them into the basket for you. i heart mcdonalds.

karisa keeps telling me not to eat there but sometimes when karisa tells you things youre just mezmorized by her hotness and nothing gets through. i'll pretend that thats whats going on, but any time i eat anything its one of those wwks - what would karisa say. i heart her too. girls should wanna bone me and be my gf just so they could meet karisa.

i watched the two parts of The Ten Commandments yesterday. quite a daunting task to take on the cc deville classic. or to take on chuck heston. i cant say it was better than the original but it did try to keep more things closer to the bible, but it missed a lot too.

for example during the Let My People Go portion where Pharoah got all the plagues sent to Egypt for not letting Moses and the jews leave they totally left out the huge part that Pharoah wanted to free them but God hardended his heart.

the way they showed it on tv it was like this

Moses: dude let us leave here.
Pharoah: f you slave.
Moses: you know im not really a slave. technically yes, but come on.
Pharoah: kiss my ass.
Moses: Gods gonna fuck shit up if you dont let them go.
Pharoah: Bring it fuck.

But in the bible it was way more like this

Moses: dude let my people go
Pharoah: wtf
Moses: seriously
Pharoah: well i am rich, you guys did stoke us for hundreds of years, you know what fine.
Moses: cool
[God hardens Pharoahs heart]
Pharoah: on second thought f you Moses.
Moses: wtf?
Pharoah: yeah kiss my ass and kiss my bald son's ass
Moses: oh no thou didnt. fine. youre gonna pay and your son's gonna pay
Pharoah: whatevs. jew.

in my opinion the Bible tells the better story.

also in the new tv movie the parting of the red sea was more like a tidal wave on a beach. this is 2006 is that the best special effects the religious right could flow you? sheesh.

either way i watched the whole thing. im a sucker for bible stories, bible movies, tv evangelists, pretty much anything bible-related. except for this new Book of Judas nonsense and of course the wickety wack Davinci Code.

simply put, if Jesus wanted to bang chicks and have a family he woulda done it. He did anything He wanted to do anyways including working on the Sabbath, why wouldnt he have done something that wasnt illegal like having a wife? i hope the film bombs.

top photo by aj goddard + middle photo by snowsmiles

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