i have always thought that smoking a cigar makes you look gay. this girl wanted me to do her in the ass and i was all, nah, thats gay. the funny thing is i have nothing against gay people. i wont say that some of my best friends are gay, but some of them are lesbians. plus my favorite band wears makeup and barrettes. this one girl said youre just homophobic and youre in denial. i said nah. i said you know how when you go into carl's jr. and they have the salad bar over there? even though i have never actually had the carl's jr. salad bar, i have a feeling about what it's like, and guess what: i never ever ever have salad when i want to put something in my mouth. and i have lived in california long enough to know that some people actually stop their cars and park and wait in line in order to get some of that carls jr. salad bar and when theyre done and theyre buckling up they say to themselves, yummy. but then winston churchill sent me a telegram and he said dude the best way to sneak a toke is to bury it into a cigar. you chaps call them blunts. but you always get caught because you look like hoodlums and what is a hoodlum doing smoking a cigar. so what i recommend, dear boy, is to dress up like you're going to the opera and i swear you can walk around and no one will harrass you and you will be able to smoke all you want. keep it real, dog. winston