the last time that i ever saw my good friend was during my first and only trip to New York City. I stayed with her for a few days and I stayed with another friend for a few days. AJ was dating a girl at the time and I know I will sound like a pig if I even mention the term angry lesbians, but one of the things that I still love about AJ is she called them like she saw them so I will too. I was definately not wanted and anything that I tried to do to relieve the pressure only made it worse. what was weird was it wasn't like i just showed up in NY unannounced, all if it was planned and it wasn't like AJ didnt know who i am. still they seemed shocked by the things that i said and the questions that i asked and it was terribly uncomfortable for everyone. live and learn, people and i'll tell you what, im such a freak, i still had a swell time in NY so there.
and now AJ is working with kids some of the time and speaking about Gay/Lesbian issues and teaching about sex and starring in films and getting rave reviews and hopefully she is still writing and still making poetry. do i think she will ever be my friend again? no. did i do something terrible that would make her hate me? no. all i can surmise is that she has chosen to be friends with who she wants to be friends with and she knows exactly who i am and i dont fit into what she is interested in being with. and even though thats sad - a little, it really doesnt bother me because AJ was my very best friend for a really important time of my life. we were so lucky to be going to school when we did that not only did we see SubPop and grunge explode but all the other little labels do their thing and we also got to see the whole Isla Vista music scene blossom in a very intimate way since a lot of the bands were our friends. i have nothing but love and respect for her and i wish her continued success and as punk rock as she is in her heart, i will never forget falling for her while we watched the Little Mermaid on video tape while we held hands on two seperate couches in Isla Vista.