so then they brought in the shrink. are you depressed? yes. then we absolutely cannot accept your resignation if you are in a depressed state. but i am depressed because you will not allow me to resign. until that is proven we cannot accept your resignation. you will have to perform your duties which i believe involves you driving a taxi cab in order to break up the prostitution ring in santa monica. but if my heart's not in it how effective will i be? agent la vista, if you were really involved in even half of the accomplishments on your record then you could easily perform the task of driving a taxi in santa monica. hookers are so gross. not these hookers. but i dont even believe that prostitution is something we should be focusing on at all. neither do i. then why are we doing this? because we cannot hit curve balls. if i were a smoker i'd light a cigarette right now and blow a strong stream into the corner of the room. beatles or stones? stones. what song? beast of burden. you're sick. hey, since when do shrinks comment on the honest answers of the patient? im not analyzing you, i just saw you in this room and i popped in cuz i heard you've been down. well arent you something.
there were a lot of shrinks at the bureau and i liked her and she liked me.
of course we never said that to each other. if we did we wouldnta been able to work together. because we were pretty professional, we hardly ever talked to each other. she'd call up and say, how are you? and i would say fine. and shed say wanna say anything and id say no and shed say have a good week and id say you too code blue.
we didnt have too many codes but that one was a pretty wonderful one.
this office was right in the center of a very famous art museum in a very big city. it used to be the office of the curator of the museum but a few years ago we caught him importing illegal things and we took over the place as we prosecuted him. dont be too impressed. it's not that hard to pull off. do you know how much good modern art there is out there? tons. and what do you do with the old good stuff? gotta rotate that shit. so we had a very easy time of working out of that office. it was beautiful. in the center of the office was a round glass interrogation room and all of the offices could see what was going on in that office. if they wanted, they could also listen. there were no secrets there. strangely, i felt so safe meeting with her there. no room for gossip. not that there was any reason to. she asked are you really gonna move outta the wesssside? i said probably not. she said im not down with the wesssside. i said, i got my first blowjob there. i also saw a totally blonde pussy. i know i know, it looked like a cloud. when are you ever going to get a car? probably next week. truly? i dont know, maybe.
she hasn't been happy that i turned in my company car when i resigned from the fbi.
it was a nineteen sixty six black mustang convertible.
and a corvette engine.
she said i dont believe
youre depressed. i said are you analyzing now or not and she said i am.
i said well i dont think i am really. i think there just was a demon convention
in my head and everyone had a good time. she said well thats a positive
attitude, have you had a positive attitude lately. i said i think so.
she said are you sure. i said well i did rent some porn during it all,
you dont do that if you wanna be bummed out. but was that for work? yeah,
so? so i dont think that counts. you were working. so? so were there any
interracial ones? yes. were there any with foreign girls? yes as a matter
of fact. why is it that you dont rent videos, when they, you claim, to
be for pleasure and not just for business, of your soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend?
cuz she is the hottest girl i ever met and they dont have those sorts
of girls at the video store that i rent from. how did you meet the girlfriend
that you had before her? i drugged her. speaking of which, they removed
the failed drug test at your exit interview, there would have been no
way for a competent human to have that much thc in their blood stream.
i told you it was a set up.
she asked have you downloaded anything good lately. i said yeah i got that guns n roses show from rio that they did last week. she asked how is it. i said good. when i get nervous sometimes you can see me putting my shoelace through one of the holes over and over. i must have done it a few hundred times in that room with her because these were not the questions that we wanted to be asking each other the first question that i wanted to ask her was how can you say the things that you say to me and not expect me to go crazy. sometimes i think the whole thing is just them and shes in on it but no one could play it that perfectly. i hardly say anything to her. she hasnt gotten a peep out of me she hasnt even tried. still... theres no way that someone could be that cool and like me. she said says who. i said what. she said why dont we get some dinner after you finish up with the director.
just as she said that this guy passing by gave me the thumbs up. i hadnt realized it was nine pm. i had been probed for at least five hours in that crazy room. there was this huge plaster bozo staring at me from down the hall. they were going to put it upstairs but they didnt get around to it. i kept looking at him saying, im not supposed to be here either. somewhere a phone had been ringing for a good hour. and then i was alone. and then i was home. and then i was alone. and then the phone rang. and then the phone was thrown into the freshly tagged dumpster in the alley. and then i was alone. again.
it was cool.
i was used to it.
it didnt bother me.