said, gwen? she said, tony. i said sorry the ice rink is closed.
she said thats cool, i didnt want to skate anyway. wanna watch tv
and i could play with your hair? she said, eeek! i said, ok i'll think
of something else she said, eeek means ohmygod yes! so we were
watching saturday night live and her hair is much coarser
than you'd think and for the exception of some beautiful
experiences on ecstasy, i really dont know how to play
with hair in a way that would drive a girl mad, but since nothing
in this is true, whatever i did was really good
and when i noticed that she hadnt stopped smiling since i touched
her hair, i figured id say something dumb like, here it comes, and
i kissed her neck. and somehow her smile got even bigger. eeek!
some people practice piano playing or they work out all
day and some people play chess outside the donut store
on sunset with their foul-mouthed friends - who cheat! - but
if theres one thing i will tell my kids to work on it is the makeout
session. And if there is something that i secretly wanted to happen
if what was going to happen was going to happen, it would be that
not only would the makeout session exist, but it would be good.
no lie. i mean seriously, who doesnt like to mack with someone
new and get all tingly inside and come up for air, but better,
have her not want you to come up for air? isnt that why we pay
these exorbitant rents here in hollywood? isnt that what
dreams are made of? isnt that why you see me in
all these fancy clothes? isnt that why we all
learned how to html?
since this is all locker room bs, this is my lie to
i care very deeply for you, so let
probably get about about 4
bring lotion, matches, and cool pajamas, but dont bring condoms. nothing ruins a makeout session quicker than sex. And we all know that none of you mousekateers are having sex without jimmies so - also bring a good book because if you happen to visit this dream girl on mother's day weekend and you show up on Saturday night, you're going to have to spend sunday reading kurt vonnegut's sirens of titan. or if your luck is exceedingly good there will be two playoff games for your ass the first starring vince carter vs. allen iverson and the other featuring your la lakers. And when she calls at eleven pm it might be a good idea to have a nine volt battery for when you take her home at 4am you can get her sweet ass through the remote controlled security gates of her father's mansion. cuz you really dont want to be waking the las vegas italian construction contractor at that hour. eeek!