i saw pearl jam on mtv2 yesterday. the lead guitar player was wearing a clash tshirt and the other guitar player was playing in hiking shorts.

this is what to wear if you are going to play a rock concert, daughter.

this is what you wear when you are the best fucking rock band in town. and where is your flaming gong, vedder? all those kids gave you all that money, where the fuck is the gong?

the logo, the lineup, the sex, the songs. if david foster thinks he's so great and such a svengali, how come he doesnt find us any of this?

everybody wants some.

so eddie van halen has cancer. first he was an alcoholic and then he was on howard stern mumbling, and now he has cancer. i guess now we know what men who have everything get.

speaking of which, the other day i bought a lottery ticket and my drive home was about 30 minutes and usually i can think of what im gonna do with the money if i won. the other day all i could think of was to buy a house in isla vista and get a corvette and an old english sheep dog.

but now i want to get van halen to play at my keg party.

authentic rock stars dont die of pussyass tongue cancer.