tony + mary!
busblog at gmail dot com

nothing in here is true


   Friday, January 24, 2003  
Guess the Winner and Score of the Super Bowl

closest guess gets their named linked in the upper left hand corner of the bus blog.
if the winner doesnt have a blog to link to, they can chose a proxy.
good luck.

last night my good pal karisa invited me over claiming to have a half a case of sam adams and two quasi homo cats to laugh at.

at first i said no. i wasnt interested in getting out of my pajamas, hopping on a subway and skateboarding to her house in the hollywood hills.

but then i remembered what long time busblog reader chris c. advised me in one of my notes from yesterday. he said something to the effect that i should hang out with her and drown my sorrows.

so i offered to bring over the screener copy of Chicago and i hopped on the subway after putting on a pair of pants.

the ride was nice as the cars were packed with LA Kings fans who had just enjoyed a night at Staples Center. lots of older white guys, successful older white guys and young white guys in brand new Kings jerseys taking the subway.

i loved it.

just for kicks the universe had thrown in a few sleeping homeless people to freak everyone out.

didnt freak me out.

got off the subway at hollywood and vine and took a cab to karisa's hidden lair. the cab cost $3.20 i gave the guy $6 and he gave me the thumbs up. we had a nice talk about how Hollywood wants to kick out all the poor. i said theres not enough rich folks to make up for it all.

the cabbie said theres a lot of rich people from overseas.

i said, no there isnt.

then me and karisa watched Chicago and to be honest with you, i dont know what the big deal is.

good parts: lots of half naked chicks in garters and stockings showing their stuff, quick cuts, good songs, good cinemetography.

but Richard Gere wasnt all that amazing. any actor could have played that role like he did. the blonde chick was good but the brunette chick wasnt even sexy.

sexiest person in the whole damn movie was Queen Latifah finally showing the world her huge bazooms.

i fell asleep several times.

even with super hot karisa with the sweet puma velour sweatpants doing cartwheels and lighting sparklers to wake me up.

so i give Chicago a B-.

raiders by 22

the accordian guy
dear tony,

this girl im dating had an extra ticket to the raiders / tennessee playoff game. she was gonna take me, but her ex boyfriend really really really really wanted to go. i had some shit to do and i knew there would be all these big ugly wicked problems if i went with her instead of him, so i decided that i would be super cool and let him fucking go with her. all i asked her to do was be back at my place at a reasonable time after the game.

i was thinking she would be able to fly back to la, and be at my house by midnight.

didnt happen.

at 2am i called her and asked her wtf.

she said what do you mean wtf?

i asked her, "what do you think a 'reasonable time' is?"

she said, "4am."

i was so pissed off, i hung up.

at 4:15am she was knocking at my window asking for me to open the door.

i let her in but i didnt touch her, she slept on the couch and in the morning i ignored her some more.

now she wants to make up.

youre the king of chick issues, what is your opinion?

Raider Nathan.

Dear Nathan,

first of all, youre quite a man.

secondly, when you get burned after being cool, you have to realize that that is worse than getting burned after just being normal.

this is what i recommend you do with your woman.

have her apologize in a written form, using her own words.

then have her sign it in blood.

also tell her that she cannot communicate with this dude for one month.


and if she doesn't do it, never talk to her again.

there are billions of people on this planet. theres no reason to socialize with those who disrespect you to your face and then dont do what it takes to make up the offence.

raiders by 21.

rabbit blog

   Thursday, January 23, 2003  
my agent booked me to be on a panel of bloggers that will discuss blogging.

i need to give them a picture of me, and i need to give them a 50 word bio.

only problem is i dont know if i have a good picture of me and i know that i cannot think of 50 words to describe myself and why i deserve to be on that panel.

one of the guys on the panel created Blogger.

another guy is a doctor.

another guy invented one of the best sites on the web, boing boing.

one chick is super hot and a journalist.

another chick is also super hot and also a journalist.

so in lots of ways i am the Everyman that the blogging phenomenom created. i dont get paid to write, im not a code guy, im not famous or even semi famous. im just a dumbass who has access to the internet.

Tony Pierce is simply a dumbass with access to the Internet. He has been a dumbass for 109 years. After being shown the possiblilties of publishing on the world wide web in 1996 by mr. marc brown, he helped contribute to Buzznet, one of the first web zines, and then created his own web zine, Lick.

Since then he has written for and had his poems published in the "Connecticuit Poetry Review" and Santa Barbara's "Spectrum".

Recently back from a short hiatus into Hell, the UC Santa Barbara graduate returns to making up fatastical lies and posting them on his strangely popular blog at

i guess that wasnt so hard.

i am a little nervous to be honest with you.

i have no idea what to say, and i have a long list of things i dont want to say.

i dont want to really talk at all about myself. i would like to talk about hits but not for too long because hits dont always mean that you have good stuff.

and i really dont want to talk about how or why i started this thing-- at all. because i dont want to lie in public.

in actuality i started this blog so that i could get one particular girl to notice me and think i was cool.

i guess thats all i probably need to say about that.

thanks blog!

3rd Leg
in any relationship theres going to be some fucked up parts and some not so fucked up parts.

last night when i got back from working at the gravel pit i saw in my mailbox something that i never thought i would see, an envelope from the daisy princess with two keys. one to the beach house and one to my hollywood mansion. there was a little note that was short and sweet, and with that i knew that it was finally over between me and she and out came the bottle of rum, and down went the rum down the gullet and on went life as it should.

and trust me, readers of these pixels, ive persued my fair share of blogs and ive seen people break up and typically one party bitches and moans and reveals confidences and spits and snorts and kicks up dust, but thats not how we do things in the busblog.

ashley princess, glitter girl from another world, i wish you the best with the new boy that you are dating.

i hope he treats you the way that you should and takes you to all the places that you like to go to, and floods you with gifts and kisses and constant attention.

i hope that when your favorite band comes on the car radio that he doesnt pull over and vomits next to a call box.

i hope that when your favorite actors appear on the television that he doesnt make a face and pretend to slit his wrists.

i hope that all your dreams come true and he does all the things that you want him to.

a good friend called me last night and asked me if i was sad and i said sorta.

and he said, well shit, if some total fox who adored me and would do anything for me and was way smarter than people gave her credit for stone cold dumped me, i would be a little bummed out too.

and then the rum kicked in.

and then a messenger from the academy dropped off a screener of Chicago.

and then my hot pockets dinged in the toaster oven.

and then before 20 minutes of the movie had played i was passed out on my couch like the dumb little dog that i am.

christmas lights twinkling, tv blasting, computer whirring, bathroom sink dripping, phillie blunt resting peacefully in the ashtray.

spent like me.

patio pundit

caption this, please

   Wednesday, January 22, 2003  
happy superbowl wednesday. i have watched a lot of football this year and it is my belief that the raiders will beat the buccaneers by at least 20 points.

one reason is because the Raiders dont lose Super Bowls.

another reason is because in Super Bowls you really have to hand it to the veterans, especially the vets in key positions like QB and WR.

another reason is because i will be rooting very hard for the Raiders and ive been doing pretty good rooting for them over the last few years.

another reason is cuz im very confident about pretty much everything right now after coming back from Hell and being able to see into the future, if only for a very short period of time.

for example, i see myself having a very tasty lunch today with a pretty girl.

speaking of pretty girls, one thing i have noticed about them is that theyre just as unreliable as ugly girls. the lie that they teach you in school is that ugly girls or fat girls will be easier to deal with than a pretty girl, but it's so not true. everyone is crazy.

im crazy too.

i need to ask this one chick out who walks her dog over by my house.

shes so damn cute.

everyday i just watch her walk that little bullshit dog and i dont do anything.

so bogus.

my friends had a dream and just made it come true.

the other night a bunch of us were laying around my house watching porn trying to figure out if one of the girls was actually into it or not into it.

strangely this wasnt the first time in the last 45 days where i had friends over who asked me to whip out the porn, and the fact that this time there were some ladies in the house did not make it any more comfortable.

we were watching kelly o'dell in one of her films for vivid and she was totally getting into it in no time flat and one of the girls on the couch called bullshit and said no way could a girl get that turned on my a simple little touch and i was all, you need to get around honey.

then the conversation moved over to pheromones and i had never thought about those before, but two of the ladies went on about how if a man walks past them and smells good they will raise their eyebrows and check the man out as he passes and let their minds wander.

very interesting i thought.

one particular woman complained that i wasnt showing any porn with a story to it.

it was 4am.

i said that i had given all of my chick porns to my ex girlfriend.

the girl said she didnt believe me.

lately nobody has believed me about anything.

but my exgirlfriend came back from the kitchen with a tray of makers mark shots for each of us and backed me up, saying that i had left her with a tidy little cache of well made, nasty porn with decent stories.

then a third girl laying on the shag twirled her hair and said that she didnt like stories in porns unless they were fairytales.

then someone called out "alice in wonderland!"

then someone called out "sleeping beauty!!"

then the neighbor upstairs called out, "shut the fuck up!"

then we laughed.

then we drank.

then i put in snoop dogg's girls gone wild and people gasped.

sometimes i wonder about what i should do with the way that i earn money and i think about what a great porn reviewer i could be, but then i think about how i would like to go to Heaven this time, but then i think about old men who spent their whole lives learning how to paint the mona lisa or some other classic on a stamp and i think that the good Lord isnt gonna throw those dudes into Hell for "wasting" their talent.

but then i think about what a great porn director i would be and then i think that i dont want to go to hell again.

and i sat there trying to be a good host to my guests, to my very good friends, and it was nearly 5am on a friday night/saturday morning and i thought how i could give a tribute to ed wood and borrow from his films but make them porns. and the best thing about any film is the gimmick. what i would do with my ed wood films is complete them in the same amount of days that he completed his.

and then i would burn for eternity.


like a sucka

the raiders can win this fucking game with their eyes closed.

i was talking to my computer who had a few questions for me.

what are you going to about those kids by the front gates?

what kids?

didnt you see those college girls?

no, where?

up front, fool! theyve been out at that gate since you were murdered!


because they were so sad that you were gone and they waited for you to come back cuz they knew you would.

what do you think they want?

they probably want to talk to you.

i got nothing to say.

it doesnt matter, man. just say hi.

my computer knows im terribly shy. it knows that im lazy and once i put on my pajama bottoms then thats it for me for the night. it knows that if you say hi to one group of college girls whove been waiting outside, youll have to say to all of them.

i think some of them are strippers.

you know the sad thing, computer?

no sad stories tonight, tony.

sad thing is as much as i love you, im going to replace you soon.

are you trying to hurt my feelings?


good, cuz i dont have any feelings.

good cuz me neither.

lies lies lies. is that all you learned in hell?

they lie way more on earth than in hell.

is that true?


reverse cowgirl

   Tuesday, January 21, 2003  
for some reason a lot of the ladies that i run into have the hots for one john cusak.

if you ask me why, i couldnt tell you why.

me, i like some of the ladies that the ladies dont appreciate and i suppose thats understandable.

and as i look around the world wide web, about once a week i will read someone say that they dont know why I have such a following.

to all of you, let me join in with your wonderment. i dont know why i get attention either.

but enough about me.

how are you, dear readers?

did you miss me while i was in hell?

i missed you.

tell me a story, internet.

read me a poem.

do you have a nice joke?

im bored.

im bored of this blog too.

after being in Hell everything now is dull and too easy.

maybe i will go back to doing things only on the web site from now on. no more bloggy blog.

i dont know.

color me confused.

all i know is i would like to hold some girlfriend auditions but im not real sure how one would go about doing that without a network show.

anyhow, glad to be back. glad the raiders will play on superbowl sunday. glad i got to hang out with my friends this weekend.

much love,


friend of ken layne
the raiders won, got to sleep with a hot chick this weekend, had a party, got to barbeque, got to celebrate martin luther king day.

still, today im not feeling so hot for some reason.

theres a disturbance in the force.

i have a lot of readers out there watching my back and this one fine woman emailed me that some ass is saying that what i am putting on my blog isnt true.

once again, someone is saying that what i am writing here isnt true.

uh, duh.

nothing in here is true.

isnt that the subtext of all of this?

but obviously some of it is true.

for example, i put up an address for ashley to mail me my mansion and beach house keys, and that same address all of you loyal readers can send me nice things.

why on earth would i put up a phony address that might receive Xbox's and size 10 one stars, and digital cameras, and blank recording media, and cds full of photographs and mp3s if i wasnt going to be able to receive such nice things?

ponderous, man, ponderous.

anyhow, i have ass to kick so let me go kick it.

sorry if i dont write much in here today, theres a lot of loose ends i gotta tie up since i have been in hell for over a month, but i will do my best to do my best.

one love, brothers and sisters.

mc brown

   Monday, January 20, 2003  

happy martin luther king day

   Sunday, January 19, 2003  
super tall writer girl called me last night to interview me for this one thing, might have been the ny times or la times. hard to remember. i had just got back from hell.

she asked me how did i get into the internet. i said marc brown 96. then she asked me how many hits my blog gets. i said about a thousand a day. she says your stats say less. i said my stats are free stats and totally unaccurate. then i said my web site gets a thousand too.

she asked how come you think you get your hits.

i said i didnt know. and i wasnt kidding.

i said it cant be because of the writing, because if you wanted good writing you literally could read shakespeare on the web. nobody's stopping you.

and its not because im a hot young girl walking around half naked.

and i dont write about politics or even that many current events, really.

and it's not like i show porn on here, or call people whores.

plus everything in here is lies.

so, i have no idea why people read this thing everyday, i told her.

maybe they'll tell me one day.

afterwards i made a nice johnny cash mixed cd that im liking very much. made sure to put his covers of "rusty cage" "hurt" and "personal jesus" right in the middle of it all.

then i called my pal matt and he told me that it's all about the Los Angeles Examiner.

and i read Luke Ford and i saw that, indeed, it was all about the Los Angeles Examiner!

then ashley did some fucked up shit, so i broke up with her for the first time this year.

and hopefully for good.

then i remembered that the journalist woman said that dawn olsen had written some real nice things about me, so i went over to her page, and hey, she did say some really nice things about me.

thanks, dawn!

from there i saw that her boyfriend jim had done torched the place.

then i saw wKen's frisco peace rally slide show and loved it so much.

especially this pic, and this pic, and this one, and this one and this one and this one and this one and this one, and i love this girl.

ah, frisco, they let people shoot up under the overpasses in the daytime, but they always know how to throw a good rally.

nice job, wKen.

well now it's sunday and two hot miami vice girls came over last night and dropped off some welcome home cookies that smelled somewhat organic, so im gonna dip into those and then get ready for game one of the conference championships.

lets go buccaneers, lets go raidahs.

and ashley, you can mail me back my key.

tony pierce
4845 fountain #15
hollywood, ca 90029

the rest of you can feel free to send me whatever nice things your hearts desire.