tony + mary!
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nothing in here is true


   Saturday, March 08, 2008  
i have 15 mins before my friends take me to 11th street, so here's my Ask Tony's answers which will be dedicated to lisa b, jordan, trent from pink is the new blog (omg!), and karisa

Rob W asks: When do we get to see you in DC? Sorry I missed you last time, but I had to be out of town. This time, I will be here.

the last time i was in my birthplace was rocktober of 2006. i arrived, waved at the white house, ate chinese food in the hood, hung with my brother, then got outta dodge. i hadnt been there in a long time and all the monuments, museums, and government buildings looked extremely surreal, especially after driving across the country.

K asks: time before plane ticket gets to canada to bring willing sidekick?

honestly wicked jealous, last semester of undergrad... maybe next year i'll make it!

i have no idea what your question was. in regards to plane tickets, i dont even send them to gorgeous exotic dancers. im a blogger, all you can expect from me is blog posts. and usually even those will be unpredictable, when theyre good.

creepy dude axes: At Mardi Gras this year, I was drinking at a bar in a pretty classy hotel. This superhot chick chats me up and eventually invites me up to her room. The kissing and groping was going great, when she said if I'd let her tie me to the bed, she'd give me a big surprise. So after I'm strapped in, she goes "here's your surprise" and a guy dressed in a Batman costume jumps out the closet and [edited because i like my job and would like to keep it - the mgmt]. It was gross, but I've had worse. Still, I want to find the guy and beat his ass.

Last week, I spotted the girl in a strip club. I confronted her, but she says the guy offered her $1500 and an 8-ball, and since he had the Batman suit on the whole time, she can't identify him. She offered to have with sex me (no ropes) if I didn't report her to the cops.

Although I feel victimized, the girl really is superhot. I thought about doing her, and then reporting her anyway, but that seems a little dickified. I'll take your objective advice as to what to do since my emotions are too conflicted to think rationally.

Thanks, man. I love riding the Busblog.

any time strippers with money, drugs, and costumed men are involved, im glad that i lead a very simple boring life which i then lie about on my blog. so my advice to you is enter into a long term relationship with said woman and write every detail down.

Zona ponders: you went to school with Spicoli? and is that the other Wham dude too?

i went to school with many Spicoli's. sean penn is from malibu which is about 50 minutes south of ucsb. as for Wham!, my bro Chris has nothing on Andrew Rigley and i suck for knowing that dudes name without even having to wikipedia it.

Dan wonders: If there was a single concert/show (any time/venue/artist) that you could go back in time and see, which would it be?

when i first moved to LA Prince played like 5 nights at the Forum. they had lights around it that were all purple. so either one of those shows or the time when Metalica opened for Ozzy in '85 at the Long Beach arena and the kids rioted during the metalica encore and they had to cancel Ozzy's part of the show. theres something about riots at metal shows that appeals to me in a very deep way. so yes, elvis in vegas would be my answer.

bloopy queries: the other day i went to chipotle 'cuz on several occasions you've mentioned how much you dug their grub, and i couldn't help but think how it would've been good had i been in europe, but for s.f. it really kind of sucked. . .

i figure l.a. must have taquerias that are comparable to the ones in the mission district so what gives?. . . do you really prefer chipotle to your local mom & pop taqueria joints?. . . or do you think of chipotle as its own type of food (like i do with, say, taco bell)?. . .

there are no taquerias anywhere in the world that compare to El Faro Lito or El Burro or any of those other ones in the mission.

i like one thing at chipotle: their spicy beef burrito. i like it because its like a good fisting, but in your gut. you have to be ready for it. you cant eat one before you go shopping at the beverly center. you have to have a mens room nearby. you cant be on a date. you cant have plans. its an entire experience. sorry, i probably should have stated that when i said how much i like chipotle.

but yes i like taco bell, i like jack n the box tacos, AND i like my local mom and pop taco joints. all for very very different reasons, and for different tastes.

.Ophelia. flatters: are you working on a novel, any creative works in the near future?

I love this picture of you. Have a great weekend!

i work all day and all night at my dream job. i dont even really have "time" for the busblog. i have tried writing novels but they always end up into twisted sex fantasies which are so boring. my real life is way better and hotter. and involves creativity. trying to get down the pants of a sober girl from romania who doesnt know much english and who isnt even that good of a kisser involves way more creativity than writing a novel about two hillbillies whitewashing fences, if you ask me.

Previously on busblog...