fuck drudge, who knows less about music than he does about television or politics. fuck drudge for being the least talented and unfunniest fuck who ever tried to gank a style from a better age - a time when Blacks were more fucked than ever, and when television didn't have cable, and when the Internet was a secret that the Good Lord had yet to pull from his sleeve. also a time when no paper in the free world would have allowed such a hack like drudge to do more than scream extra extra on its filthy corners.

there is an art to being a negative creep and practice all he wants, he's a failure. like a crack baby taking its first steps, drudge falls on his face each and every time. i have yet to see him even come up with one original lead and it pains me that the kids look up to him, but like their love for Mickey Mouse and dirt pies, they'll grow out of this passing fad soon enough, i'm sure. just watch.

among all the good things that went down last night on mtv, so many that N*Sync apologized each time they won, basically, was a killer rock group named Mudvane, dressed in white tuxedoes and bullet holes in the center of their foreheads. they won the MTV2 award - consistant with the fresh approach to the fledgling new channel.

but drudge is not a man, he's a hole where you can rat-out your boss and he'll post it and call it journalism. he'll post it, that is, as long as it's juicy, and as long as it aligns with his predictable and petty politics. if he's gonna steal styles, why can't he copy real writers like Cobain, Hemingway, or Plath? and i dont mean mimic how they wrote.

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in lighter news, any time michael jackson dances on stage it is a good thing, but am i the only one that thought that his nose looked even smaller?

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can you find the hidden tonypierce.com on my cover page today? sorry that you have to scroll left-to-right. i thought i had fixed all that last night, but thats what you get when you do these things in the wee hours and all you want to do is get a few extra hours sleep and you know that a hot blonde teen is gonna wanna talk on the phone when you should be counting sheep.

me and sonny watched the awards last night and he said that dudes really shouldnt complain about girls being girls, and we shouldnt complain when they dont want us if we're not going to complain when they want us too much. and teen girl, this week is being very very cool. so major props to her.

also props to lilly, who is 18 living in buffalo, who, among the regular cool folks who have linked me this week, helped me get over 4,400 hits yesterday. what also helped was being mentioned by David Chess and my favorite one, This Guy who writes in a language that I cannot place. I love it when people write about me in foreign languages. I imagine they're saying, "the incredible good-looking Tony Pierce is only outdone by his amazing layouts and witty pokes at the sorry shape of American journalism. Just another reason not to bomb the US embassy."

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can anyone explain to me how, when Weezer played Frisco in the Spring, before their record had come out, they sold out immediately and ebay had their tickets at twice the price. and now people cant even sell them for half the price even though their record is doing well and they have a second video out? Experts in the blackmarket write to heytony@hotmail.com. thanks.

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Rene drove me to work this morn and there was a Tall Skinny Girl siting and i said, "there she is there she is!" and Rene said, "wow, shes cute. i never thought she was a real person. in fact, i never really understood what you were talking about." i said, yep. today was bagel day, and even though i dont plan on being drug tested any time soon, i chose the Poppy bagel. which reminds me of another joke the old man who sold me a lottery ticket told me yesterday, "how come you only see seagulls at the beach? cuz otherwise they'd be called bay-gulls." ahahhahaha. yeah.

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im excited about the video music awards. i know, im dumb. and i know i didnt do all that great on the photo shoot last night, but suddenly at 11pm i became amazingly popular and i had to throw something together. i liked a few of the pictures though. and as long as you have something new for the kids each day, i think that's fine. even if it's crap. at least it's new crap. i met a new online buddy last night. lilly. look for her in my links page. she says shes got no love for the haters. i said, amen, sister.

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Just got my Lotto ticket at the corner store in the building. Cool old man who sold it to me told me these funny jokes. "Hey, what do you call a woman who knows where her husband is 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? a widow." ahahahahahaha.

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Hank the angry dwarf is dead and instead of sending letters of condolence, people send me pictures of their girlfriend's boobs, dumbass song lyrics, arguements in favor of the ridiculously dull "Jeepers Creepers", and insults about my loyalty and devotion to my favorite band, Tsar.

But what takes the cake is when people try to knock this site for being self-centered and/or conceited. Um, it's called tonypierce.com, genius. it is supposed to be about me. in reality, i'd say only 60% of what i write about is even about me or my real life. maybe less. i do that so that idiots like those who write to complain wont realize what miserable lives they have in comparison to my urban bliss.

can i help it if i have the best friends in the world, live in a sweet pad, own a flying car, get taken to dinner by fashion models, and have a perfectly amazing wondertool?

no, i can't. and i do all of you nay-sayers a huge benefit by keeping most of that to myself and only letting you in on some of the finer portions of my generous bounty: the best being Tsar.

That band is the epitome and amalgom of everything that I was fortunate enough to stumble across when I transfered into UC Isla Vista and if they had only signed to a label who knew how to launch new bands, you'd had heard their debut record thousands of times by now.

But life isn't fair.

And every time I gaze at one of my many full-length mirrors and flex, I smile and say those very same words.

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World's Coolest Drunken Angry Dwarf Dead at 39

fuck fuck FUCK

It took a short man to teach us that life, too, is short.

kids, go out and make out with that shy little hottie in the corner - you never know. she might die one day soon. or move. or die.


+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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Have I ever told you that I hate doctors, like as in a lot? 10am app't today - just to see if my AIDS test says I have AIDS. Nurse tells me that if i get in there at 945 i will get out fast. 945, im there. 10, doc isnt there. 1030 doc isnt there and the waiting room is getting full. 11 doc shows up. He says, I'm healthy as a bull - a healthy one. So I say, doc, my back is killing me - which is sorta true. Let me have some Vicodins. He says, those are a narcotic and you dont want to risk it, heres something else and writes me a prescription. Says that if they dont do the trick then he'll get me Vicodin. Since he doesn't tell me how to close-caption, I dont tell him what pills to dispense.

Get to work at noon. Rode my bike. It's hot out. Bad idea. Fax my prescription to the Ralph's so I dont have to wait my whole lunch break for their asses. Follow up with a call verifying that fax made it the two blocks. It did. Arrive at Ralphs and the lady says "need doctor aproval." I say, isnt that what the prescription is for? She says, "no, inusrance company. this verrrry expensive medicine." I say, so I'll be back at the end of the day, then, ok? she says, "no, take three four day" I nearly cried right there in the Ralphs. I ask her if she can call the doc and have him prescribe me Vicodin since it's not on the "approve-first list" she says, "oh no, that good medicine, go see Doctor, ask for sample. Get a handful.

Little does she know that my doctor is a practicing Satanist and refuses to be open at a reasonable time when I can visit him.

Or does she?

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stayed up till 4:30am writing this thing. that'll teach me for not having a begining, middle or ending before i decided that yes, i was going to write something that also required a lot of reading, research and graphic skillz. thank God all those undocumented workers i got locked up in my dungeon were taught Illustrator on their raft on the way over here.

aw damn, paragraph three has a line in it that should be in paragraph two! no wonder you people think im a stoner. when i find the dirty little nite editor responsible for this nonsense im gonna beat him silly!

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i know it's the day of rest and i really planned on taking this weekend off. but i had a really fun night on friday even though my back hurt like a bitch, even though i could barely walk. had some really great food, drugs, booze, company, surprise guests. kissed this girl goodnite and she just laid back in her seat and later i was thinking did that mean she wanted me to invite her in? my esp is no good with her. still, i floated to sleep cuz the lord continues to bless my skinny ass.

so saturday i made a look back at summer. i should have cropped out the pink border from my web browser after i did the screen shots, but i didnt know what i was going to do with those little pictures and it sorta tells a story in it's own. i mean look at those pictures and you'll see a bunch of pictures and stories about ashley and when she first came to my apartment she changed my computer so that theres pink everywhere and ive never bothered to change it back. but it symbolizes the truth, which is that some girls are hard to shake off. life could be worse.

anyway, Spin used to be my favorite magazine, and during its peak it used to have this column called "Dear Elvis" where people would ask the King advice and it was so good that I always wanted to do something along those lines. While finding pictures of Tom Green, the bigamist, not Drew's hubby, i ran across tons of web sites that either vehemently defend him or bitterly denounce him. Oddly those who defended him were Muslim sites from outside the U.S. while those against him were generally Mormons from Utah who wanted to make it clear that Bigamy has not been part of their religion since the 19th century.

It seemed to me that what got Green in hot water, and eventually in jail, was not that he married too often, but that his last wife was only 14 and he knocked her up, and that he was trying to get Welfare benefits for his shenanigans. As for the Mormons, it seems to me that it's one thing to make your own Bible, but not even the Kings James Bible ever renounces Bigamy. Sure, the stories of Solomon's 1,000 wives are not so idyllic when you realize that his downfall was similar to Green's (trying to get busy with a teen girl before he properly married her), but never did the Good Book ever say that you couldn't commit to more than one woman. The Lord implies that we can barely get it right with one person, but if you wanna give it a shot, go for it. Just remember, you can't get a divorce. So why the Mormons would reject that dare is beyond me. Seems like the only thing they ever did right was bring that lifestyle to the States. And, of course, provide Jim McMahon with an exciting collegiate career.

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