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nothing in here is true

 


   Tuesday, September 24, 2002  
from the blog archives, 1987. best of tony pierce.

anna said, why are you trying to make troubles

i said, aaaah. i aint trying to make no troubles.

she said, all this bs about women writers being crazy.

i said, take it easy. first nothing in here is true.

she said, thats the biggest lie around.

i said, second i didnt even say it, whalen said it. and i dont even know if he believed it when he said it.

she said, well you should stop saying it.

i said, i didnt even say it!

she said, cuz then people will think that you think it's true.

i said, i do think its true, but i never said it.

she said, i dont need you anyway, the lady that they said was me just got several million dollars from penthouse and i'll get mine soon and i didnt even have to pose, and i would appreciate it if you took down that weirdo photo essay that you have of me.

i said, i'd appreciate it if you won a tournament.

she said, id appreciate it if you just shut your big fat mouth.

i said, i know.

she said, what are you doing tonight?

i said, anna, my life is so bizarre, i could be doing a bunch, i could be doing nothing, i really dont have the foggiest. i could walk down the street and meet christina aguelera or i could--

she said, thats not how you spell her name.

i said, i know.

she said, i thought she was on your list.

i said, what list?

she said, everyone has a list of people who they'd do.

i said, do?

she said, yeah, my list is harrison ford, adam sandler, mel gibson, brad pitt, and john cusack.

i said, john cusak?

she said, yeah. now who's on yours?

i said, i dont even

she said, come on its just fun.

i said, ok, you, mariah, madonna, christina aguelera, drew barrymore, and this chick who lives down the street.

she said, thats six you can only have five.

i said, ok, cross your name off the list.

she said, you prick.


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