the good looking kids always end up with the belle of the ball. cyberworld isnt any different. fuckrs.

that belch you heard was the gorillamask getting his pony for christmas.

life isnt fair.

from what i remember he chased her sister, but then switched up, wisely, when he researched the age of consent in oklahoma wasnt as liberal, dare i say Ridiculous, as it is in the evergreen state.

he rubs it in by proving he can woo her with lite beer.

i hate my life.

younger, taller, and has a better website.

my legitamite kids wont believe it, but there was a time when the hot chicks would fly around the world for my website-making ass.

they say programmers dont get any but they lie. programmers pull deeper than designers. deeper than engineers. and far deeper than the qa boys.

i shoulda been a programmer like my college advisor suggested.

i didnt know what she was trying to tell me.

have i told you life isnt fair?

why do the sweater wearing boys get the sorority girls?

why do the 21 year olds keep getting the 21 year olds?

when will the 110 year olds get some?

i can learn to drink lite beer.

i can get a haircut.

i can learn css.

google 2003 zeitgeist + chelle + yahoos top searches of 2003

# | |

people ask me all the time about love advice. i find it tiresome. so heres how to do it now and i dont want to talk about it for another year.

there are three vital parts to Any relationship. sexual or otherwise. trust, honest communication, and the desire for the relationship to exist.

first, the desire. if one of you isnt really 100% into it, theres going to be major problems. people forget how important it is to start at the begining. but this is the beginning "do i want this?" if you dont its over. if youre unsure, its over.

next comes honest communication. its easy to be honest when things are going good. you know you have honest communication when during the rough parts youre able to say the hard things. like, fuck you ho. or this sucks whats going on... or i love you, get your ass over here. if you think you have honest communications count how many secrets youre keeping. if you have a bunch, youre not really comminicating. if one of them is that you used to be a man, then maybe you have issues with the last part

trust. this one is at times the easiest and the hardest. its the easiest when youre trusting 100%. its the hardest when youre trusting 99%. the general rule around the xbi, on duty at least, is trust should never be an issue. you should never have to think about it. it just is. you shouldnt have to think when you answer a question, you shouldnt have to think when you ask one. you just Know that the other person knows that what youre saying is important to the sanctity of the relationship: theres no deception up their sleeve, theres no digging going on, theres no evil. its just words that lead to honest communication that sustains the relationship that both parties want.

with that said, some general standbys are: long distance relationships are for people afraid of real commitment, definately dump your high school sweetheart when you go off to college, dating sisters and twins is only for experts, use a condom every single time, theres something to be said of astrology and of a girl who will go down on you when youre watching the lakers.

other than that youre on your own.

good luck suckers,

tony

dub symphony + the sound of euphoria + jimn

# | |

ive been at home for two and a half straight days now. this is everything that i always thought i wanted.

ive seen a decent film, i got to eat a spicy pork burrito chips salsa and flaming margueritas, im watching the lakers fight it out in seattle as gary payton returns to key arena without shaq who left in the first quarter, ive had sex with a hot chick (not pictured) with a fuckmepleasenow body.

somehow im bored.

would it be tacky to count the number of times i had sex this year?

some would say it would jinx it but as a Christian i wouldnt know about jinxes.

3

shes a good girl, this 'un. came over lookin good, was naked quick. doin stuff super quick. no shame. what goods shame?

im eating apple pie right out of the box. ive been eating like a pig lately.

i dont know where she is right now but it woulda been nice to have her around for some of the day at least.

she left as soon as she had to. it was raining. it was nice. it was nice not to have to worry about waking up. neither of us slept all that great. i held her. she said i had a twitchy moment where i musta been nightmaring. i told her i dont dream. she didnt believe me.

i told her i must have been outofbody spacetraveling through time and dimension.

she said, why would you go and do something like that while we're all warm and toasty on a rainy thursday night when theres no work on friday?

i said, to fight crime.

she said crime in another world?

i said, yes, and in a different dimension.

then we turned on the radio and had some more sex.

they told me when i was a kid that you hafta watch out for chicks who look good at night but look horrible in the morn. however i have the feeling that it is i who looks like a wreck in the am. my fro goes all over the place, blanket ends up in there, my stubble grows in thick, my eyes have bags, and my rum breath cant be nice.

she looked terrific. btw. so good i asked her if she didnt by accident find herself in the wrong hollywood bungalow last night. i said this to her voluptious and bronzend ass which i couldnt keep my hand offa.

she told me that shes gonna have a hard time finding another man who loves her ass as much as i do.

i told her she needs to stop dating those white dudes in the abecrombie commershes.

the english beat came on the radio. she was just finishing up her period. dont you love these details.

she came out of the bathroom and i had already put the condom on. she slipped under the comforter. we got at it. when we eventually changed positions, turned down the smoke machines, and lowered the harness she looked at my thing and screamed.

am i that bloody? she said. and looked at the sheets and then back at me.

startled i looked down and said what? and then, no silly, this is a red condom, which one of the strobe lights illuminated.

whew she said.

and we went back at it.

and lately i havent given a shit about what the neighbors think.

resident jason + beautiful mistake + spit circle

# | |

caption this, please

# | |

my cyberhome dvd recorder crapped out on me the other night and i was going to bring it to frys for an exchange or a refund but the super dooper hot chick who was over last night (not pictured) did me three times but refused to drive me to an electronics store, woe is me.

then all of a sudden it worked again so now i am frantically burning dvds of all my favorite porn vhs tapes before it stops working.

meanwhile im listening to 103.1 LA's Independent which WILL NOT for any reason stop playing pearl jam. they just this minute segued from bob marleys "redemption song" to "spin the black circle". why? why would you do that?

they also seem quite infactuated with the pretenders. last night we were trying to get it on and they put on "middle of the road". i was scared that limbaugh was about to come on and tell us this whole new alternative radio station was just a big fakeout.

now its the police "born in the 50s". now this i can live with. infact i love it. classic rock isnt gonna play that. kroq isnt.

a niche has been found on radio, america. its incredible!

ive had this thing on since nine this morning.

karisa called me from vegas asking what i was doing, i told her i was listening to the radio.

she said 103.1

i said yep.

i was thinking what it could be like to be any better. they could tell you what song you just heard, thats for sure.

but i dont want djs. pornstars maybe. politicians, celebrities, homeless, kids. but by all means no djs.

right now its got no commercials which is mighty awesome. they have all the music in the world to choose from. they did a velvets song. i heard public enemy. i could use a smidge more hip hop. believe it or not, but not so much nirvana. maybe some live tracks.

they played kiss me on the bus last night as we got home.

nearly died.

im putting pics from last year that i didnt use on my buzznet deal + chelle + wormhog

# | |

American Splendor
starring Paul Giamatti, Judah Friedlander, Hope Davis
HBO Films / Fine Line
directed by Shari Springer Berman & Robert Pulcini

the central problem with american splendor is its not very funny. its also disjointed and directionless. it also tries to do weird little tricks for no good reason.

once it works.

american splendor is a story about a bitter cleveland underground comic book writer named harvey pekar who made several interesting appearances on the david letterman show in the 80s.

for some reason the co-directors found it necessary to include the real-life pekar into the film along with the actor, paul giamatti, who is portraying him.

in one scene the real life co-worker of Pekar, Toby Radloff, is seen talking to the real life Pekar as the actors portraying the pair watch in the background.

i take it back, it didnt work, it sorta worked.

we want to root for pekar. he has a good story to tell. it's interesting.

his relationship with underground comic book star and illustrator of some of pekar's comics, r. crumb, isnt nearly as interesting as his relationship with his co-worker, radloff

its a nice suprise in the movie.

its not a bad film, its just in no way a 2003 top ten film.

why it was R-rated is beyond me.

Giamatti, who played Pig Vomit in the Howard Stern movie, Private Parts, is more than believeable in this film.

At times he is preferred.

in the Greg Vaine movie rating scale, i give American Splendor a Good-Good

e-nerve + superheros bleed + greg vaine

# | |

its twenty minutes before 2004. clippers girl cousin is coming over in about an hour. i hope im awake.

i got surprise phone calls from two of the hottest women of the internet. one of them from a completly different country.

lets hope that i will continue to be this lucky through 2004.

lets hope that all our dreams come true this next year, k?

lets hope that our skillz progress and our full potentials are realized and that love overwhelms us and we're swept away with happiness.

im watching dick clarks new years rockin eve. its pretty horrible but there really isnt much else on.

apparently television doesnt want to have to deal with it.

me and clipper girls cousin were going to see david lee roth at the house of blues but she got that terrible flu a few days ago and gave her tickets to her brother.

and now, of course, shes healthy again.

this was a great year and a terrible year for the cubs.

it was a scary ass year for kobe.

it was a pretty good year for the busblog.

i got to meet lots of super cool people this year, i got praised all over, i got to do some new things, and despite a bus strike, the blog continued to roll on.

every day.

several times a day.

mostly because of you, and for that i thank you.

jessica simpson is on tv so i hafta go.

i hope that all your memories of 2004 create a little smile.

happy nude year,

tony

# | |

congratulations jeff and erin!



Wyatt Jude Solomon
born Monday, December 29th at 3:01pm
6 lbs 14 ounces

thats a keeper!

# | |

last year i made several new years resolutions and i succeeded on about 25% of them. so that means that this year i should make a lot more.

2004 new years resolutions

1. i will write 4 times a day
2. i will only drink water while at work
3. i will cook dinner for myself at least twice a week
4. i will run around my property for at least 20 minutes a day, once a week
5. i will download at least one cd a week and review it for you
6. i will watch at least one movie a week and review it for you
7. i will write one post within 90 minutes of coming home from work
8. i will do at least 100 curls a week
9. i will read at least 2 pages from the bible each sunday
10. i will write a dirty novel
11. i will get a new job
12. i will make mix cds at least once a week for my true love
13. on the weekends i will go through my archives and update the photos, at least one week a week
14. each month i will learn one new thing in photo shop
15. each month i will learn one new html trick
16. i wont make out with any more teenagers from the internet
17. i will cut down on my magazine subscriptions from 30 to 15.... somehow.
18. i will go to the beach more often
19. i will get my bike fixed and ride around hollywood at least once a week
20. i wont give up on Lick no matter how hard it is to do
21. Blook II will come out, for your ass.
22. i will refer to this list once a week so as to keep up to my goals

jaime + hoo-ha + wKen

# | |

raymi wrote me an email today. you know how nice that is?

and not once did she mention that shes auctioning off some of her art on ebay.

i love raymi.

she told me her real name but i just say raym...

and then she cuts *me* off

which i never allow, usually

but thank Jesus for the exceptions.

im watching paris hilton on the simple life mini marathon.

this is about the third time ive seen these episodes. i dont know what im trying to discover.

maybe im trying to find a flaw in paris hilton on any level. my girl can wear heels anywhere. thats pretty cool.

she looks good in bad clothes. thats hard to do.

one of my new years resolutions will be to write every night right after work.

it only took me two hours to write this.

and that is why i have this resolution.

i hope raymi makes a fortune on her art.

some guy just wrote me and told me that hed pay me five bucks if i told him to fuck himself.

i also got an email from amy from jaylex. that was pretty amazing.

never really realized what a good day today was.

on the subway home, waiting for the subway actually, a woman just started talking. telling people things in a little louder than necessary volume.

i never knew you could have a baby at thirteen.

its bad enough i dont have any teeth, but now im a thirty nine year old granny.

i know these two sentences because she said them over and over.

he called me up and said mom, i just had a baby.

i mean i never knew that you could have a baby at thirteen

it was straight out of slacker

she walked the entire length of the platform and came pretty close to trying to look every one of the fourty or so of us in the eye and tell us that she had no teeth that she was thirty nine that her son was thirteen and now she was a granny.

and that she didnt know that you could have a baby at thirteen.

i wonder if the guy who wants me to tell him to fuck off knows that my rate for that little service is twenty five, thank you.

video of the year + via makeoutcity

# | |

i like it when people are obsessed with me. i like it when people talk about me on their blog and other peoples blogs, and in my comments.

i like it when they become cocky and then eventually frustrated and pissed off when i wont address their silly requests.

talk about me all you want, blogosphere, it only adds to the hype.

anna kournikova taught me three things:

you will never be as bad as people try to make you out as being
you will never be as cool as people swear that you are
the worst thing that people can do is ignore you.

there are far more ghost blogs than kickass blogs and the ghost blogs are written by people who couldnt figure out how to get people to come to their url or get people worked up about their good name.

some fall for the fakeouts, some take the bait. dont take bait. especially when the bait is nothing more than fat dirty nightcrawlers sold for pennies by children.

if people talk shit about you and theyre way off base, just take their little spitballs and keep on keeping on.

when they try so hard to convince you that youre boring, theyre lying.

ignore the liars.

liars will take you places you dont wanna go.

heres where you wanna go

you wanna drive the lane

go for the hole

keep your bald head down charles barkley and go for the hole

dont listen to the male cheerleaders

keep your elbow out

fake right go left

switch hands

get scratched

dunk.

completely unrelated, a funny thing happened last night. our girl brand trueboy who recently outted herself as hosting a blog that didnt have three writers, but only had one, her, pretending to be three people - ended her whatever-it-was against me.

i give her major props for ending the feud, and i will either take a picture of my nuts like she requested or i will have a civilized aol chat with her which you will see in the first issue of Lick sometime next month.

rock on, trueboy. happy holidays.

bing + blamb + muscle 68

# | |

picked up my true love at the airport last night. i dont recommend anyone going to LAX to pick up anyone unless youre xbi, and even then its hairy.

i know i exaggerate a lot on here and i say things about her being my truest, but when i saw her yesterday there definitely was something special there.

it's freaky.

if i ever do get married i want that feeling from my bride. its a calming effect. its a submissive thing. its a whatever-you-want-is-coolio vibe.

she said pick me up at ten pm i said anywhere. she said LAX i said no one is allowed in. she said you can do it. save me. i saved her. she said take me to taco bell. i said baby i already have your seven layer burrito in the back seat. she said i love you. i said i love you too babydoll.

i told her she looked good. she said have you been drinking i said doesnt matter, i know a hot girl when i see one.

she said, stop that, ive been travelling for 8 hours.

i said lil tone hasnt been drinkin and lil tone approves.

i watched her eyes move down to where lil tone was saying hi and she smiled.

blue eyes matching her nicely filled out blue sweater.

stars sparkling in the crisp la winter night.

angels pulling back a little of the sky so they could peek.

i kissed her cheek

i kept my face against hers.

i moved my hands slowly down the small of her back to her jlo.

she complained that her place was messy and boring and smelly and i said baby your place is perfect. she said i cant believe you took karisa here. i said she loved it. we loved it. i said i told karisa that this is where my truest lives, isnt it great and karisa said i never knew it was so big and bright and sunny.

my true love said yes it is sunny.

we drove back to my place holding hands, talking nonstop, catching up.

her wesssside businesswoman cold-as-ice seriousness slowly melting as we drove east down the ten and went north on the 110 past staples.

i might find a better person for me one day.

maybe it'll be before the next snowfall in vegas.

cpt scurvy + mad mathias + welch's resolutions

# | |

my problem is, i like smart people. not sucker mcs. not people who dare me. ooooo a dare. what is this, fifth grade. and anyway, i make the fucking dares around here.

they come to me saying theyve never read my shit but i suck. they say who's tony pierce like they dont know. they know. my hairs soft and its coming back so call it a comeback. my problem is that i get distracted easilly. especially by nothingness.

theres a new radio station in town. independent one they say even though my bro on franklin avenue says its clearchannel owned. all i know is theyve played the clash and bob marley and even though this is their only hit, theyre playing social d and kroq hasnt played them in a while so fuck kroq, they never loved tsar enough anyway.

my problem is i like super smart people. id work at jpl if they wanted me to. id sharpen the pencils or clean the blackboards if thats all i could do there. a thinktank. a brainbank. anywhere other than the xbi which used to be what im lookin for but things change right before your eyes and suddenly the only thing the same is you and the address. my problem is im a dumbass.

my problem is i attract people who think they know what punk rock is.

punk rock.

yoko was punk rock.

michael jackson last night on 60 minutes was punk rock.

dressed and sounding like my grandma admitting to sleeping with kids as if of course its cool

of course

courtney was punk but now shes a rock star and its boring sidney. not that there are very many rock stars either but youve been to the mountaintop lady.

represent.

my problem is im riddled with idealism. my problem is i keep thinking that i will always be understood precisely every single time the first time. my problem is i forget that some pretend like they dont understand, when indeed they understand perfectly.

i forget that others want to be creeps.

i forget that sometimes a few arent creeps, they just say or do fucked up things without realizing and they dont expect a nuclear bomb exploding after they touch the timebandits toaster which is clearly marked dont touch.

clearly.

shes crafty is on now.

my problem is sometimes i forget that some people dont ever get what i get. ever. and i tell em that i know i dont understand it but they swear they dont read this shit anyway even though they do but maybe they really did miss that day.

its okay.

my problem is i listen to the static in the signal to noise. my problem is i get lost in the silences. my problem is i keep following the failed practices traditional widgetpushing which is hype, build awareness, hype, deliver. when everyone knows you should just clear your throat and reveal curtain number lick, say ta-da, and put your hands on your hips.

dare you to the the truth the whole truth and nothing

but my biggest problem is that time owns me

im its bitch.

and like a bitch, watch me stop what im doing and go off and do nothing so i can wake up n take a bus to an office

in the cold morning

beside the white

chickens

franklin avenue + hobo chic + viriginia

# | |

poor josh. all he wanted was someone to love.

a cute little blonde girl maybe who would chat with him on the innernet and tell him nice little stories about her life and make him feel like a million bucks.

well josh got lucky, not only did he find this girl but she was super cute.

she sorta looked like madpony lauren, except her names Chelsey.

everything a guy could want.

she had a horse, hot girlfriends, a selfdeprecating sense of humor.

and mad web design skillz.

craziest thing though, not only does Chelsey have a horse, but her horse is named Bugsy just like Laurens!

what are the odds!

looks like lauren and has a horse named the same as laurens!

as ashley would say "twinsies!"

oh, josh, you lucky lucky dirty dog.

sheeeet.

then on top of it his girl Chelsey has a friend who looks just like lauren's sister Kristin pony, 'cept she spells it Kristen.

and whats super dooper crazy is Chelsey has a different friend who looks like Kristin, except her name is Tiffany.

and if that wasnt enough, she even has a friend who looks like Kristin whose name is Melanie.

God i love the innnernet.

first we were all lucky enough to get introduced to the madpony girls, and now, lo and behold, out here in california theres a girl who looks just like Lauren and has three friends who all look like Kristin!

i showed my friends Chelsey's hometown-aol webpage and they all said it was fake

i was all, fake?

they said yeah dude, look at that picture that she says was taken at Payless.

i said, yeah...?

they said Payless doesnt have no fuckin pajamas in it!

i was crushed.

they i was crushed about what josh would think!

so i went back to her webpage and found her aol screenname and i decided id get down to the bottom of it.

me: i have a quick question for you
Piink Lava: i dont want to talk to u i dont know u

one thing ive learned in the xbi, when trying to convince people to do things with you, begin by agreeing with them

me: i dont know you either
Piink Lava: ok then wut do u want???

me: does Josh know that you're not the girl in the pics?
Piink Lava: sorry but i am the girl i the pics i have sign pics and baby pics to prove now leave me alone
Piink Lava signed off at 9:42:27 PM.

so there you have it.

proof!

there is not only another lauren, but shes younger, lives in cali, and has three hot friends who look like kristin.

and one of her pictures is nearly exactly like the madpony christmas card that they sent out to 100+ people this year.

i heart this country.

update: within minutes Chelsey took down "her" page out of shame of being exposed on the busblog, here's a cached version of the main page and photo page and heres "her" image directory... maybe the girls just look like our madpony friends

chelsey's original page: piink lava + fakerz do this to nay all the time

# | |

if you want to know what traffic was like in LA before the whiteman showed up, you just need to drive around on a day like today.

when everyone is away for the holidays.

when everyone has the week off.

except for the superheroes.

like you.

i dont usually drive to work but my true love loaned me her car while she vacations in snowy oregon with her lovely family. typically the commute would take about 35 minutes. today it took 12.

even people on their cell phones didnt really ruin the commute.

sometimes i wonder what these people are talking about.

what on earth is there to talk about at 7:50am? who are they talking to?

i remember when i got my first cell phone. i swore it would only be used in cases of emergency or to tell people when i was running late.

i remember when i was a virgin i swore that i would only have sex with girls who were my girlfriends.

i remember when i was 15 and i was thinking about getting my drivers license. i swore i would go to church every day if i had a car.

i suppose some goals are easier to stick to than others.

my goal to you, gentle reader, is to make this blog as good as i can make it in the upcoming year.

instead of writing three times a day i want to write four times a day.

i want to put more things on my main page, i want to put up more original pictures, have more interviews, have a page of little video clips i take, and run Lick the way i know it can be run.

this year was a tough one for me. i thought i had the dream job of my life, then poof it was gone. i thought the cubs were gonna go to the world series and then quicker than you can say bartman it was gone.

things with ashley took a terrible turn for the worse.

if it wasnt for tivo, rivers of rum, the dulcet tunes of rock group tsar, all of my wonderful friends, and the long line of adoring young women who are all too eager to please me, i would have been a complete wreck.

and you would have had a better blog to read.

i promise to give you even better quality next year.

i promise.

quantity and quality.

as pete rose once said, more than any showdog can jump over.

i hope you all stick with me and continue to remain loyal as things progress.

your positive thoughts mean everything to me.

may your commute to wherever youre going be smooth and worry-free.

whats your damage + walk with fire + star sailing

# | |

Steph, Tell Me About Your Job

VBugn: my boss is crazy and there are crazy people running around
VBugn: they filmed a porn there one day
VBugn: and a rap video another day
VBugn: last night there were two fights
VBugn: and two different girls running around in see through shirts with no bras on
VBugn: and one night we got raided for underage drinking and all the bartenders got arrested for serving to minors, but I wasn't a bartender yet

me: are you a bartender now?
VBugn: yeah
VBugn: cause the girls who got arrested didn't want to work there anymore
me: why would two girls wear see through shirts and no bras?
VBugn: I don't know they just were
VBugn: and they didn't know eachother, it just happened that way
me: i hear miami can be quite nudey
VBugn: yeah there is a lot of it
me: do guys get nude too?
VBugn: South Beach is a topless beach, and there is an all nude beach a few miles up
VBugn: but as for walking down the street, I haven't seen any naked boys, just girls

me: you said in your 100 Things that you were in a porn
me: was it the one you just wrote about?
VBugn: yeah I was an extra
me: were you naked?
VBugn: no i was bartending
VBugn: and trying to hide my face

me: are underage drinkers good tippers?
VBugn: no
VBugn: but we don't cater to the classiest crowd, so there aren't a lot of good tippers
me: how long have you been bartending there?
VBugn: just since October
me: how often do you get hit on a night?
VBugn: asked for my number? About 10
VBugn: Told I am beautiful? Maybe 50
VBugn: It gets worse as the night goes on
VBugn: and I have learned that I can't tell anyone that I have aboyfriend, cause then they stop giving me their money
me: you have a boyfriend?
me: interview over!

me: if you didnt have a live-in boyfriend, how many of those 10 guys a night would you give your number out to?
VBugn: Ohh none, cause one time I did give out my phone number, and I dont remember to who, but I am still getting harassing phone calls every weekend
VBugn: "Hey baby I want to lick your muff" type phone calls
VBugn: So I learned my lesson there
VBugn: and I got propositioned for a threesome by one table in VIP when I was doing bottle service
me: niiiice
VBugn: "My girlfriend wants to take you home with us"
me: were they hot?
VBugn: the girl was, but the boy had some long hair mullet type thing going
me: rejected because of his mullet
VBugn: someone should let him know
me: i thought half of miami still had mullets
VBugn: I think they progressed out of the eighties a few years ago

me: what are your work hours?
VBugn: from 10PM till five or six AM
VBugn: but by the time I leave I am generally pretty buzzed and we go out after
me: where can you go at 6am?
VBugn: Downtown they have afterhours clubs that are open till 2PM
me: thats insane
VBugn: one has a really fun outside room where you can go out and the sun comes up and they are blaring techno and its great
VBugn: yeah, kinda crazy
VBugn: but fun

me: whats been the best night for you working, tip-wise?
VBugn: I made about $300
me: very nice!
me: whats been the worst?
VBugn: Oh when we first opened
VBugn: We would have some nights when three people walked in the front door
me: what is bottle service? hustling people to see if they want bottles of champagne?
VBugn: yeah or bottle of vodka or anything else
VBugn: a bottle of Absolut goes for $180 plus 20% tip
me: how many bottles will people buy in a night?
VBugn: Um, a bunch? My girl Elaina does the bottle service and on a good night she will leave with around $500 or $600
VBugn: And we have some guys come in, friends with the owners, and they love to give away $100 tips at a time

me: meet any famous people?
VBugn: not at work, unless you count some no name rappers whose names i can't remember
VBugn: and the porn stars, of course
me: nice

VBugn: I almost forgot, people ask me for drugs all the time at work- "Hey, bartender, do you know where I could get some E?"
VBugn: and someone from work brought me and one other girl to a swingers club with some super rich guys cause they needed girls to be able to get in
me: wow!
VBugn: and we immediately left, but still, I accompanied my coworkers to a swingers club
me: were the people normal lookin?
VBugn: My coworker stayed
VBugn: very normal looking
VBugn: you had to be in a towel
VBugn: and there were just people fucking, and other people watching and there was porn playing
VBugn: it was surreal
VBugn: and I was WAY too sober
me: your coworker must be insane?
VBugn: completely
VBugn: and married
VBugn: but he lives in the club during the weekends
VBugn: doesn't have a house in South Beach, just lives in an office with his brothers during the weekends
VBugn: four of them in one office
VBugn: I remembered all this stuff while I was at work tonight and thought "Oh I Have to remember to tell Tony"

me: what if you walked into that swingers club with a disease?
VBugn: I don't know
VBugn: I honestly don't know. I looked around and ran back out the front door.
me: if you just wanted to get naked and join in would anyone have stopped you?
VBugn: nope
me: then that place is dangerous
VBugn: I think so too

me: ok, i think this concludes Tell Me About Your Job
me: thank you for playing
me: was there anything youd like to add?
VBugn: thanks for asking
VBugn: before this i worked at TGI Fridays
VBugn: "Hi my name is Stephanie and I will be your server today"
me: i think i would be more likely to hit on you there than at a bar
VBugn: and I had someone thrown out for saying that he wanted to suck on my tittie milk
me: THAT WAS ME!
VBugn: yeah, you are normal
VBugn: Oh shit! SorryTOny.
VBugn: Why didn't you say anything?
me: i thought youd forgotten

steph does southbeach + 3rd Leg + kool keith

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me and clippergirl spent all night catching up. its now 551am. im worn out. my cheeks are sore from smiling, and my head is sleepy from drinking.

we drank and we asked each other why drinking is accepted in proper society.

we drank and we agreed that a man or woman who can drink a lot is held in high regard. we toasted after reaching that agreement and dranks some more.

we told each other that if we kept drinking we would find each other more attractive than we knew the other was

and i thanked yahweh.

we wondered aloud why our hippie friends , in some circles would be looked down upon by their illegal intake of intoxicants, but then she reminded me that most of them could also drink, and we remembered why they were our friends.

as a graduate of uc isla vista im ashamed to admit that i dont think i drink enough.

ive lived in ken laynes former home for, what, three years now, and i havent had a keg in my front lawn even once.

i promised her that there would be a keg in my front lawn at least once in '04.

i always forget how good people look and i always forget how much i like them. i like clipper girl because everything for her is about twiceasmuch. one kiss turns into two. one movie turns into a lets-slip-into-that-one. visiting one girlfriend of hers turns into visiting two superhot girlfriends of hers.

and having a body shot or two ends up having ten.

and beers.

and pizzas.

and an impromptu pie eating contest.

somehow it was discovered that i had two perfectly good apple pies in my kitchen.

she was all, wtf you doing with two apple pies in your kitchen?

i was all, nothin.

so she went, how old are these?

which unfortunately is a good question in my house.

i was all, new.

one pie was untouched, a gift from my maid who left it behind after she cleaned and scrubbed my home. on a papertowel she wrote, merry christmas tony, connie.

the other pie was three quarters of the christmas pie that karisa and i barely touched after we feasted on spiral ham at her place.

connie the maid left a traditional apple pie.

the karisa christmas pie was a dutch apple from the house of pies.

clippergirl clacked her high heels over to the fridge, pulled out a half gallon of whole milk and told me she loved me.

i told her id love her back if she'd grab that big ass baileys jug behind the cream cheese.

six nineteen i dont wanna go to sleep. i just want to ride this nice little good thing for just a little bit longer cuz if i go to sleep then i wake up and if i wake up i hafta do all these things

we drank and didnt feel so cold. its fourty eight degrees in southern california tonight which is fucked up let me tell you.

and even though it was cool that she split so i could write

its gonna be freezing in there alone.

at sixtwentyseven in the mornin

who won the pie eating contest?

some games, friends, have no losers.

chokey chicken + christina marie + american black

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