sonny i. lavista shares some lessons learned with tony

during my first year of college i was poisoned by inadvertantly eating several psychedelic mushrooms. they may have been yours.

i hallucinated, i freaked out for a little while, and i came to some serious revelations that i still hold true to this very day.

one of the lessons that i learned was to dress like a fool at all times.

another one is to distract yourself from your hot date whenever possible. here you are holding a barbequed spare rib, and if i remember, that evening was a good one for you, no? certain hot chicks demand a fella's one hundred per cent attention. the problem is, if you give it to them they don't respect you and simultaneously you end up in their crazy magic love spells and thats no good either.

i recommend not looking at your date for as long as possible. certain hot chicks are psycic too and they cant believe that theyre not being checked out. to see how youre doing see what she wears on the second date. you may want to wear sunglasses.

if you have to look at her, look at her teeth. if the teeth are somehow sexy, look at the gums. if all of that is too much to handle and you find yourself saying stupid shit, look at the space between her eyes and quit talking. ask her about her best friends.

i know it sounds ridiculous but it totally works.

another lesson i learned was dont ever get drunk on a date. are you kidding me. when they put 'do not drink so that you are drunk' in the bible they were talking about boys. we're idiots to begin with, mix that up with shots of jagermeister and it's a pretty sad site. stick to weed if you have to but lay off the booze. think about it, george washington grew fields of weed and he was father of our country. don't you wanna be like george washington?

george washington kicked ass.

never told a lie.

it's my belief that you should only get drunk with people you would do x with. and you should only do x with people who you'd get naked with. but i dont have to tell you that.

i dont even want to watch the super bowl now.