tony + mary!
busblog at gmail dot com

nothing in here is true


   Friday, March 08, 2002  
ok, ok, stop with the emails. i will have a baseball blog. sheesh.

i hadnt gotten that many emails since i first posted pictures of my haggard mug and people wrote in pleading for me to take them down.

if what i am reading is true, there seems to be a huge lack of decent blogs about anything that is not (1)about this so-called war (2)about people's so-called life (3)about the media or (4)about bloggers writing about other bloggers.

so yes, i will do it, it will be badass, it will be comprehensive and funny and indepth and wonderful and colorful and nerdy. what i need from you, is to help it be the finest baseball blog in history. all you have to do is link it like mad and tell all your friends who love baseball and especially fantasy baseball about it.

and who knows, maybe the hot chicks who think i have a life will change their minds and find me dateable. but dont hold your breath.

Clipper Girl is working on her Masters and has been busy, and several of you wrote in this week asking about her quadracep that she popped during the LA marathon on Sunday. I'm sure she appreciates your concern, but when she checked in on me this afternoon via email she said that she spent last night drinking at the Rainbow Room till 4am. I know they're not open that late, but when you're Clipper Girl the rules get bent.
"i just remember jaeger shots, coronas and being carried down sunset boulevard. as i write you, my mind is spinning and my soul is beaten down...."
im sure there were celebs present but she left out those details because she knows that i would be green with envy, and those ommissions are true signs of friendship.

bottoms up, babies.

the fantasy baseball live draft went well until half the draft was booted off of Yahoo, which is ashame because we were having fun in the chat room.

Max Power, the former Los Angelino who won my "I Will Link You" auction was there, that auction is slowly becoming the most famous of all time. JC, who has flowed me now for the 12th day in a row was there. Some old buddies from my dot com years were there. And best of all, I drafted a mighty good team considering that there are 20 teams in this league. Who's on my team? Oh, glad you asked: Sosa, Kent, Tejada, Chavez, Erstad, Casey, Tyner, and Ibanez. Ashby, Bere, Carpenter, Eaton, and Schoenwiess are my starters, but my bullpen is solid with Anderson, Wickman, Hawkins, Fassero, Remlinger, and Grimsley.

I'm a nerd. I admit it.

My former love, Chris made the journey to the eassssside to watch Survivor with me and eat pizza but the draft lasted over 2.5 hours and she had to watch me bounce off the walls and swear and pray and laugh, which I suppose is entertainment to some, but apparently last night's Survivor was a particularilly good one. I owe her a nice night out as an apology.

I'm seriously considering making a Baseball Blog so i dont have to bore those of you who have no interest in this, but my social life barely lets me keep this thing going. And it was nice to go to sleep at midnight for the first time in a long time, dozing off while watching Letterman like a normal American, instead of yanking myself away from the terminal at 3:AM like I've grown accustom. Anyhow, i'm glad to see that some of the people who read this site have excellent baseball minds and it will be fun to crush them with my scary fantasy skillz.

In other news, I am applying for my dream job, and if I dont get it I will put in an application to be a bus driver because i have come to the realization that the bus drivers in LA are Godawful and I am one not to complain. I like to do something about it. And at $50k a year and a four day work week, I could finally get that X box that I've been dreaming of.

Have a great weekend.

   Thursday, March 07, 2002  
Pisces, you bitch, anna lost in the opening round in Indian Hills today, right outside of Palm Springs, 6-1, 6-4. Plagued with poor serves and 44 unforced errors, it was obvious that the 20 year old Russian had other things on her mind than tennis.

"Why did you go back to the blue top?" I asked. She called me at work.

"Shut up."

"You know that shirt's bad luck."

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?" she said very quietly. She was driving a rented car to the Palm Springs Outlet Center with her mom.

"You're the only girl who calls me up and insists she doesnt want to hear what I have to say."

"Can't you just say something sweet and nice?" she whispered.

"With one more opening day loss, your rank will drop and you just might hit #69 in the world," i said.

I laughed. I crack myself up.

"Hello. Hello?" i said.

Somehow we were disconnected. Probably the cell phone she was on. Mountains or something.

Soul brother too beaucoup, too beaucoup every once in a while i am met with the uncomfortable situation where i have to somehow convince a sweet young girl that i am not the man that the ghostwriters have built me up to be.

if you've ever seen the Kubrick classic "Full Metal Jacket," perhaps you'll remember the scene where the soldiers are being propositioned by a beautiful asian working girl who eyes up the soldiers and offers them some sweet love for fifteen dolla. When my man, "Glitter" star Dorian Harewood, reaches into his pocket for his $15, the young lady suddenly reserves the right to refuse service complaining that "soul brother too beaucoup, too beaucoup," because we are, after all, hung like the ancient redwoods.

"8-Ball," Harewood's character, has to diminish the myth to the headstrong hunny, and explain that although he is quite proud of what the Lord gave him, it's nothing to be afraid of. An unusual situation, indeed, since men can oftentimes be boastful about themselves and their majestic manliness. Luckilly 8-Ball has Stanley Kubrick writing his words.

"Excuse me, ma'am. Now what we have here little sister, is a magnificent specimen of pure Alabama blacksnake, but ain't too goddamn beaucoup," and with that he shows her and all is well again in Vietnam.

If only my problems were so simply solved as that. Could you imagine? Unzip, display, and all a girls troubles go away?

Recently I mustered up the courage to ask a hotter-than-most chick out. Unfortunately the discerning damsel had read this very page and replied back with a polite "no" claiming that she is sure that I ask out way too many other young women - suggesting that either she is not as special as I would imply, or that there is somehow something deficiant in me.

"Some chick thinks you go out too much?" Ashley said.


"She really doesn't know you at all, does she?"

"Nope," i said. "That's one reason I want to go out with her."

"Well she doesnt know what she's missing, and if you went out so much, you probably wouldnt have to lie so much in your writing."

Ashley's just 20, but she's sharp as a tack.

"Well, I hope she didn't really mean that, and she just didn't like me." I said.

And Ashley said, "ok, enough talk about her, let's talk about me."

My problem is I'm lazy. And I like the idea of love at first feel-- I mean sight. Sure I like the playful dance of advance and retreat and yesses and no's and how-about-this and okay's, but i wont chase a girl forever cuz i just dont have forever any more. and there is just soooo much on the other side.

Sonny says it's like an analyst trying to rent a car. They'll go to Hertz and Avis and Dollar and spend all day comparing prices and features and trying to establish trust with the counterperson, and they might even take another day to go to Alamo and Budget and some independent ones, when the fool who hopped into the car that he liked actually got to drive up the coast and explore, and tan, and eat, and sleep. But what does Sonny know?

Me, I have crime to fight. Beaucoup crime to fight. And I must give thanks to JC, for coming through on the Eleventh consecutive day. Now that, is a beaucoup Soul Brother.

   Wednesday, March 06, 2002  
hi blogger, i no longer love you. you lose my excellent postings, freezing up when i have something good to say, and post my words in such a way that all the fly girlies get scared away. i swear not much in here is true, except for mariah, anna, and you.

if you're like me, you climb onto the bus, then take a subway, then take another subway and enter your lonely bachelor pad, fire up the computer, crack open a two-liter of Dr. Pepper, throw on some pajamas, have a little smoke, and then go to Yahoo Fantasy Sports.

Click "Join Private League" and if you want to play against me, and some incredibly competitive fellows, join League ID#: 20899 Password: redsox.

i am not the commissioner of this league, a former associate is and he is fair and a red sox fan, so beware.

the Live Draft is tomorrow at 7:30pm, so be ready. and yes, i will destroy you.
im usually wrong about lots of things, i dont mind. sometimes i even like being wrong.

yesterday i was saying that i got a sweet french link and i was amazed because i was being held in similar regard as pro journalists like my friends, the welches. well, good ole, emmannuelle, fresh from her petite vacation in beloved Oregon emailed me about this French site that has me listed as a ... gasp .. journalist! Sacre Bleu! Perhaps the nice folks have lost something in the translation, but as much as i would love to enter that respectable profession, i am certainly not worthy, at this point of such a benediction.

but merci, mes amies.

actually i do plan on doing some hard-core reporting in the very near future. as in very very very near future. as in hopefully within 24 hours from now you will see an update on my main page which will tie in nicely to this Bus Blog. riding home yesterday i realized that i don't really talk that much about the public transportation any more in here and that's wrong of me. i need to. so even though ashley was waiting for me, i delayed my return home to interview one of the broken escalators at the Wilshire and Vermont station. it was an eye-opening experience, and im sure fascinating reading for all.

ashley has left the casa and is heading back to Disneyland where she will audition to be in the Electrical Parade, or whatever they're calling that parade now. it was a quick little visit where she got to spend a lot of time with one of her best friends. i totally enjoyed hanging out with both of them and i hope they didnt mind my seriously trashed apartment.

speaking of friends, my good pal Dan has an amazingly talented girlfriend named Sara who writes in a style that i like a lot. her journal is on diaryland and here is something that cracked me up yesterday.

You know when you have a dream about somebody and the next time you see them you maybe feel a little embarassed because in the dream you were doing something with them that you wouldn't normally do in real life? When I woke up yesterday I felt that way about the whole world. God damn you, hangover.
i promise you that now that i will have lots of time to spend in the evening that this site will be back to its normal, mediocre self. strangely my man JC hasn't seemed to care much about the recent decline in quality as he continues to bust with the bucks each day-- i believe he has hit 10 days in a row of the flow. Dude! thank you.

my email box was flooded with people telling me that Cadillac has a new pick-up truck that i might be interested in if the Snoop DeVille is delayed in its progress. But at a MSRV of $50k, it's gonna take an outpouring of generosity from more than a few of you. (cough)corporatesponsorship(cough). And a few folks even mentioned Shaq's special edition Ford Expedition, the SST, but we'll cross that bridge when we cross that bridge, as good ole #34 might say.

Speaking of which, happy 30th birthday, Shaq, you've been my favorite Laker for quite some time.

Auction update: a kind reader let me know that one reason that i have received over 1,000 hits to my new auction has to do with all the traffic from Who Would Buy That, a web site devoted to telling people about wacky auctions. I keep telling you, there's a web site for everything. i lie, i've never told you that. anyway, they listed me on Saturday. maybe someone could tell me how i've only gotten two bids off 1,000 views? Ashley sems to think that you all would rather bid on her auctions. I blame Greenspan. And Bud Selig, of course.

   Tuesday, March 05, 2002  
ashley surprised me last night. She and her friend from Beantown took a cab from Irvine to see me. Can you imagine the insanity?

Her friend goes to BU and I guess she had a few extra dollars to spare after tuition, and she has an ex-boyfriend who was staying at the Standard on the Strip so we ordered some Vitos and took a bus down Sunset and dropped her off and took a taxi home. Good thing, too, cuz she's nearly as gorgeous as Ashley and none of the drunken slobs on the bus could keep their eyes off the girls.

Sorry I tell stories all inside-out, but when we were heading to the Standard, around Western, a real winner with a greasy bag full of Der Wienerschnitzel left-overs stumbled onto the bus prompting one of the tattooed gentlemen to get up and slam open a window. The girls were thrilled.

I love Los Angeles, have I told you this?

I do.

When were sitting on the bus stop waiting for that bus by my house, it was like 10:45 pm, I had talked to my mom earlier that evening and she told me it was six degrees below zero in Chicago and there I was taking pictures of two cute girls at a bus stop in Hollywood, warm, full, happy.

This astrological month has been a rollercoaster of emotions, and it's not even close to being over.

I haven't even told you that I have a new auction up where I will visit the winner's site for a month, and somehow already it's gotten nearly 900 looks.

Then yesterday, this site writing about Google Bombs chose to include me, don't ask me why, I don't know what it has to do with their topic, but the site looks mighty professional and they didnt call me any bad names or anything, so that's pretty sweet.

Dane Carlson wrote about me last week, I don't know if I told you about that, he said nice things, so who cares if I told you once before.

But probably my favorite link has got to be "Christophe Ducamp's Radio Weblog" cuz it's in French, and I'm mentioned in the same breath as professional writers, and excellent people, Matt and Emmannuelle.

Sorry I have no crazy stories that I'm willing to share, other than theres a box of a thousand dollars of lingerie hopefully being sent to my PO Box -- long story -- it's not for me, but because I am providing the "anonymous" PO Box for this lovely young lady, she is going to let me keep 10% of the contents to disperse in any way I choose fit, so I'm sure there will be something fun to write about in the future.

In the meantime enjoy this weather Californians.

Two Californians that should be hailed: Morgan Freeman, our friend, not the former Electric Company actor, and Clipper Girl, who not only finished the LA Marathon, but dominated. Clipper Girl tore her quadracep in the 25th mile and gutted it out till the end, despite ripping off her big toenail and sufferring through a chaffing chest due to not enough vaseline and too much water being doused on her. And still she had a totally respectable time-- especially being that it was her first marathon.

And Miss USA, congratulations. Maybe this will encourage Extra to correct their website. [update 4:20pm PST, Extra has taken down the photo of Miss Delaware from Miss Washington DC's profile, but now they have put Miss DC's picture on Miss Delaware's page. More on this important story as it develops.]

PS. Yes, JC has flowed me with a buck, again. You're something, man.

   Monday, March 04, 2002  
went to the Lakers game last night from these tickets we got in this bust and they were pretty damn good seats.

i went with this guy who ive been partnered up with for a while. the Lakers, even without Kobe, who was suspended for bitch-slapping Reggie Miller, were so dominating that Houston was never really in the game. the Lakers will win it all again, mark my words.

so me and my bro talked about work, something i really dont like doing. i fessed up and told him that i hoped to leave the xbi by the end of the month and he seemed sorta shocked.

"you're the best guy we have. youre the best one ive ever seen out there," he said.

"it's easy to be the best around you animals, all you ever do is shoot people." i said.

"but... they're crooks."

it's true, too. the people that get shot are some of the baddest people on the street. but most of us arent much better. the cops are sorta appreciative because they just cant run around and knock off these guys, and it's not like the gangs help out any more. but it haunts me at night. i want to go to Heaven. i dont want St. Peter to say, "we gave you these superpowers and you used them to finance your love of travel, beautiful women, and courtside Laker tickets. follow the Bush's down to Hell."

(although if Peter gives me any shit, I'll say, "you dissed Jesus three times before the cock crowed, mother f'er," to which i'm sure he'll answer with a quick pull of the lever connected to the trap door.)

and my partner said, "what will you do?"

i said, "i really want to write for a living, and i think i might have a very slim chance to get a gig doing it."

and he said, "you could definately do that."

and i said, "i'm not so sure, i dont have any clips."

he said, "what about your site?"

and i drank a sip of the $11 domestic beer and said, "my site-- sheesh, that thing is full of landmines. they could take something so fictional and think it's real, or something so stupid and think that im a pervert or a drug fiend or a kiler or anything. i've never heard of anyone getting a legitimate writing job off of their fictionalized bs website of lies."

he said, "Drudge has a radio show every Sunday."

and i turned to him and said, "there is nothing about that man or his career that i want to pattern myself after. All that guy does is link to AOL news and the Washington Post and he tells us nothing. The only thing he ever did was make himself the bathroom wall for the Republicans to scribble on when people pretended to hate Clinton. he's not interested in news. he's not interested in being a journalist. at least hacks write. he doesnt even write.

and check this out, the Laker girl who was sitting on the court beneath us turned around and said, "Instapundit kicks Drudge's ass," and the Laker girl next to her agreed, but the best was when this guy with a yellow afro wig next to my partner asked, "who's Drudge?"

   Sunday, March 03, 2002  
late night edition, i know, dont be alarmed. and technically it's sunday so i should be resting but i just got back from a long night of drinking and eating and being with super cool people and i never made it over to the wesssside to celebrate my work pal's birthday, and even if i had a car, i dont think i woulda gone over there cuz i had been drinking and sometimes im a lightweight and sometimes i can do okay, but theres something about very good conversations and booze that fucks my shit up.

first party was at my attorney's house. shes got a sprawling ranch style casa up in the hills that people gawk at when they enter. she keeps it real cool though, super comfortable. it has this nice open kitchen and i leaned up against the stove a lot of the night and ate little breads and cheeses and meats and i mixed a half dozen cape cods for myself. not only is she a beautiful young woman, but she has the musical taste of a collegiate boy, so it was very easy to turn off the Ryan Adams and dig into "Pleased To Meet Me" then the Stones, then the Velvets with Nico, etc., which is always a plus.

so many girls have James Taylor's greatest hits, Fleetwood Mac, Aretha, Cocteau Twins, the Cure - if youre lucky, Cat Stevens, Eagles and a few soundtracks of a play they went to or a movie that made them cry and that's it. when i sold stereos i would get these women who would ask for a cd player and i'd show them the 100 disc-changer and they'd say, "but i dont even own 100 cds." and i'd say, "but eventually you will." and they'd look at the changer and they'd be thinking to themselves, "no, never will i own 100 cds." which is why boys collect twice as many as we need, i guess.

anna lost her match on friday against some chick, who knows, who cares. anna probably would have beaten her unranked opponent but she strained her neck and only managed to win one set. and if you wanna talk about bad cd collections, you need to look no further than our former-soviet sweetie. i dont even want to get into it, but throw out the hip hop and all thats left is pop pop pop euro-pop and more pop, and her friends are all older and super into techno so shes starting to ask me if ive heard this or that and im all, tweakers suck, beeyatch, drink some more vodka and wisen up. and i threaten them all with a classic rock photo essay but these young girls just smile and stick their tongues out and make you feel old as they walk away whistling the tune of a song youve never heard. so lets change the subject.

this girl is 22. lives in canada and has some very nice things to say about yours truly:
Tony is...well...I don't really know how to explain this site. It just is. Take my word for it..this site provides hours of amusement and is updated on a daily basis (except for on the weekends when he gets lazy)

and normally i wouldnt talk about such things (canadians), but she has a great list of movies that she likes and i say "great" because i like most of those movies too. so thanks, paganblue. gorgeous design, i must add.

justin has had my name on his left hand links list for a little while and said that i turned him onto Internet Gossip. IG is a site i look at about once a week to see what the perves have dug up and what nonsense the cam girls are up to. anyhow, thanks slotman.

bob owen has added me to his links list, firmly nuzzled between the worthilly-linked Max Power and the undisputed champion InstaPundit, so i feel in good company. i like the lowercase spelling of my name, but i dont mind if it is Traditionally Capitalized either. it wouldnt be the first time that i've been called easy. thankyoubob.

Max Power, himself, put a link to this site in his quotes area on the left hand side, to which I need to say thank you.

But before we go on any further, let me report to you, and let it be a lesson to you all, but JC flowed a buck to the Snoop Fund yesterday (saturday) and today (sunday), making it a total of $7 my man has stoked me with over 7 days. classic. thank you JC, youre too cool.

Your site makes me smile or laugh out loud each day. So instead of spending my money on four or five magazines each month I paypal the internet sites I read and enjoy. Of course anna tells me that you are worth much more than the paypal pop I am able to give at this time. Yet when she whispered that to me early this morning I got the impression her thoughts were on the physical concerning you and far removed from the financial. Your connection with anna lingers in her soul, an ethereal reminder of your presence. That is one reason I will continue to return to try and learn from da man!


how can i be the man when you're the man?