tony + mary!
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nothing in here is true


   Tuesday, January 10, 2006  
is there a new lost tomorrow? hasnt it felt like 44 years since the last lost?

this weekend coming back from brunch we past this motel that was drying its sheets out in the air.

and i fucked up.

i told her, the only reason that i would marry paris hilton or her sister would be so we could try to buy up as many small motels that we could and make them supercool.

she was upset because apparently last week i told her that i probably am not a monogamous man. ive been successful at it, i allegedly said, but since i didnt think it was a natural activity, i was foolish to attempt it just because lots of other people went for it.

i was all baby, no ones saying theyre gonna marry paris hilton. shes got no titties.

which was another fuckup since babydoll runway model didnt have any titties either.

so as i attempted to hold her hand as i drove i told her that i had heard that motels spend an ungodly amount of money on laundry and water and soap

and i told her about the best western on the 5 outside bakersfield that had one little soap out in the room sink, but had big a soap/shampoo/conditioner dispenser in the shower

which i liked because it saved a lot of soap.


im not talking to you, she said.

so i turned on my sirius satelite radio to the maxim station and they were discussing the fact that 23% of married couples do not sleep in the same bed.

i held my hand up to her and i said

the only problem with that shower dispenser soap is it made my hands break out

and sometimes the faces these girls make

is awesome.

best + cds + of 2005

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