Saturday, September 09, 2006
 day one, vegas have i told you i love you? i do. its 523a and i just got back from going to three stip clubs. i know i suck. i know im cooler than all of this bt in actuallity im not.im staying at the hard rock cuz its karisas favoreit. im drunk. ive been drinkig. ive been smoking and i smell of stripper perfume whih seriously should be its own fragraence.
i hat the hottest girl ever smoke me out in the strippers bathroom. italian girl. ok i take it back, not the hottest girl, ok maybe the hottst girl. i need to reevalutate my past. if you knew my past youd porably hate me. ive had some fuckn prtty hot babes in the bast. some ridiculuously jot babyes in the bast. notihng that ive desered mind you. but thats a given.
i went to three tongiht because the first two were so ;lame and io couldnt go to slc without experienceing what should have been experienced so i left Seamless whihch totally blew, and i left Scores which migh tbe great in nyx but sucs in vegas
and i wnet to the place that i knew would be great and it was great and i told th ecabbie DEJA V"U MHY MAN and he took me there and i said no not this place over there and i pointeed and he said nothings over there youre drunk and i said are you sure and he said oooooooooo you mean spearamint ryno and i said YES SPRUAMINBT RYHINO and there they were all my girlfriends all dressed as little hos. some were holding hands with each other walking around and some were aone and hustling and i was all hi and they were all hi and i dropped some cash unlike the other places.
strappless or sprealesss or whatever that first place was i did get one lapdance from a tiny girl. way shorter than 5' mayne 4"10 if she was lucky and she was philipino and i was all hot damn girl and iup close they dont look that short and i was all your body is flawless and leaduies and gentelemen her nipples got hard right tthere and then and i was all you might be an ugly old nan but you stills got it.
and i walked over to the shitty ass hotel across the street and i pissed and i got a cab and i went to scores and that place was bigger but al the girls were fugly and i didnt even get one ;lapdamce even though it was a $30 cover. but i didnt care. cut and run works for the rest of the world UNLESS YOURE A FUCKING MORON.
and i took the next canb and i told the man deja vu and as you know we made it to the place where i wanted to go really and it was spreaamint rhiuno
and the girls were pretty. so pretty, i told them all that i wanted them for mine and only mine and they laughted
first girl was Pocohantas. no lie. i was all WHA
and she said whats your name and i said i guess my name is Jpohn smith lemme trade you some beads for that prime real estate and she laughed and america she was so fucking hot.
and then was a not so hot babe but she had the word Prince on her belly and i was all awwwww and then was another an then there was a girl in a Italy half zip thing. and i was all hi miss italy and she was all do you have room on your lap for my girlfriend too and canada her girlfirend was definatly worth it but i had gone past my bidget for the first stop on this whilwind tour of the sates and the great white north so i said no
but miss italy was so beautiful i nearly got hard. ok i did get hard. i got so hard the spearament rino now has a sun roof cuz i knocked a few panels off that shit.
but as in love i was with her and her fake boobs which were so well done that i said baby lemme see those and i looked hard and i said where is the scar? and she showed me some more and i coundt see it and i said the belly button and she said nope. and i said the roof of yr mouth and she saiud ahahahah and i said i know ive been drinking and this lighting is perfecgt and nelly is on but shit and she lifed up her 34 c's and i saw an itsy bitsy scar and i said miss italy i love you AND i love your doctor and i take back everything that ive ever said about fake tits cuz those ar ethe hottest fakers ive ever seen and she said youre so sweet tony and i said
oi never told you my name and she said i know
and the best part of the night was i met mike fiucking tyson there. iand i said Love ya champ and he said ah and i said no im serious and i think i shook his hand im not sure. i have no recollection other than hes shorter than me by a tad and he only had three dudes around him but they werent really trying to keep people away and i swear to you italy i got tears in my eys becayuse i seriosly do love mike tyson to me hes a shakseprearian tragedy. hes mcbeth the warrior who became king and his wife caused his downfall and now hes no longer a warrior or a king and i wanted to tell him that but he had his eye on miss italy too.
and if youre ever in vegas and at the spreament ryno and you wanna see the girl who looks like the woman i will marry ask for aspen or denver or some town that sounds like a colorado town thats neither of those but shes part italian and i love italinas and i lvoe you and now im gonna sleep for 5 hours and drive away and be a little scared cuz i can die now cuz i met the second or third hottest chick ive ever met and she put her boobies in my mouth and let me squeeze her ass and she laiughed when i called them boobies and said i was the coolest guy she met all night and i have a feeling that she might not have been lying because she wrote down her email address on my hand
which i of course used to pick up my corona
and now it looks as clear as this post.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
dimnbshiot
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