dear la times,

why you gotta whine like bitches? how come you dont write nothing about the homeless shopping cart problem. who cares that theyre not "aggressive". if you ask me theyre passive agressive and thats just as bad. fuck the homeless shopping carts i hear you whisper from your ivory newspaper machine.

how come you dont tell the truth about moms who have lost their style. how they let it all go once they get hitched. special sextion on hot moms once in a while with a column about milfs. teach the people something i keep begging you, but you dont listen, and for that i hate you.

kidding. hire me la times. let me write to the people of this fine county. let me tell them that i love them and therefore you love them. that they are loved. that they are respected and appreciated. let me be able to say hi to the long shoremen and dock workers and truckers and all the people who made it possible for me to be eating peanut m&ms while saying fuck you la times on a tuesday night in hollywood.

my dss is letting me watch sammy sosa drive a single past short and im thinking about taking my shoes off after a hard day at work. super cute girl who im dying to ask out always has some guy leaning over her cubicle and i dont even get to make eyecontact with her and esp that i lust her.

she used to walk past me and now i walk past her and i dont know how long i'll get to do that once you hire me la times which makes all of this tap dance that much more deadly. i would come back for her of course. i would write special little columns to her where id say something along the lines of hi super cute girl on the seventh floor, north, with the little bellyshirt and baggy pants and fake fur wrist bands and pearl necklace. hi baby. hows los angeles treating you today? yeah, is that so? good. real good. hey when are you gonna let me date your ass?

youve got a long way to go, la times, thats all i gotta say. your soft on the shopping carts, youre soft on soft moms, youre soft on all this unsupervised softball that i see riddling our parks, youre soft on soft-ons, youre soft on soft drugs. did you hear this shit about canada? fucking a, la times, you let canada steal your movie industry and now youre going to let them steal all your good taxpayers? who will you club after speeding in a hyndai? who will fly your chopper ones? who will refuse to subscribe to your newspaper? who will ridicule you from the great white north. who will you miss like a bitch. + blog + dear la times part one + raymi's old interview + karisa's eightieth birthday + rainbow + dodger game