tony + mary!
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nothing in here is true


   Monday, February 09, 2004  
best part about living in hollywood is you could walk into a bar at 5:30am and run into just about anyone. karisa, paris, courtney, madonna, flea. it dont matter.

its warm here today. my bald head is the perfect thermometer. it tells me everything. its super sensitive. everything about me is super sensitive. yes, even that. but not too sensitive. i was reading pimp on the bus today which sometimes isnt the best thing to do cuz its sexy and people can see that youre getting excited.

they had a scene in the book where all these pimps were having a party at a pimp party and all their hos were there. maybe not all of them but lots of them were. and this one pimp said that his ho could make this pimp come within three minutes just with oral. and the one pimp said pardon me my friend but i will wager you three hundred dollars that she cannot.

the pimp took the mans money and his associate got on her knees and did her work and in a minute she had won her employer three hundred bucks just like that. and i have to say that i have yet to meet a woman who could make me lose that bet and ive been with some of the most talented and marvelous women in the world. i just happen to have ridiculous control.

ask clipper girl who was over last night feeding me three d doritos as we watched the grammys bored even though it was a hit parade of stars. she said let me find something to nibble on and she let her fingers do the walking from my knee to my thigh to my hi. and i was all by nibble you better mean kiss and by kiss you better mean lick as in sex drugs rock and she was all mmmmm hmmmm and alicia keys tickled the ivories and when she was done i wasnt cuz i have what janet used to have which is control. yes i'm bragging, and sure thats a dare. everythings a dare.

hopefully she will come over soon and give my head a good shave cuz now its starting to itch as the hairs come back. i want it michael jordan bald forever now. im sold. people are coming from all over the xbi to look and laugh and gawk and some get the courage to ask if they can touch it and just like when i had a fro i will always allow people to touch. why not. people are saying they love it. they should love it. whats not to love. i love this warm weather on my scalp. i love the ladies fingers on my pate. i love the way you move.

cubs havent made a move since the dark ages and i cant wait to die so i can haunt the trib corp. first thing im gonna do is shake kurdts hand and bow to jimi and then im gonna ask the big man if i can go be a ghost and just haunt those motherfuckers till they pee their pants and run to their mommas.

dont you want to judge the wet tshirt contest st phil might ask and i will say not yet

what about the icecream cake contest st fred might ask and i will say later later

and he will remind me that i will have a heavenly stomach and i will say dude, i have to haunt those fuckwads

and they will let me fly back to my sweet home of chicago and i will rattle the chains and whoooooo in the halls and give them all colds by rubbing my ass on the doorknobs and i will make up little computer viruses and write things in blood in the mirrors of the mens room

things like

sell the cubs you fucks

things like

sell the cubs you worthless hacks

things like

sign maddux or i will whisper to your wife whats what

problem with the cubs is not enough good souls are willing to come back to earth to help out their old team.

selfish bastard ghosts

mc brown has some commercials up that he starred in + jason + kimbalina

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