sonny i. lavista made a realization: "dude, you're breaking up with rene in six weeks!" yeah, so. "so what are you gonna do, man? aren't you sad." well yeah im sad, sonny, but im not devistated. "but rene is the Greatest." i know. "i mean she is everything. shes funny and smart and cooks for us and cleans and is so much fun to hang out with and has great friends and likes cool music and puts up with you and your shit and dances good." dude, all girls dance good. "but she is so sweet." it sounds like you are going to miss her more than i am. "i am going to miss her." good, im gonna miss her too, but i'll see her. we'll see her. it's not like shes moving to alaska or nothin. "but dude, haven't you tried to work it out with her or anything?" sonny, listen. you can't work out shit with girls these days. all you can do is deal. if she wants an apartment on the lower east side, you cant really convince her that baltimore is the place to be. same goes with breaking up. same goes with pretty much everything. women are very clear with what they want these days and good luck to any dude who tries to get in the way of that vision. "fuck, man. it doesn't even sound like you even care." of course i care. "but i thought you wanted to fucking marry this girl." i still do. i also still want to manage the chicago cubs. i also still want a corvette. i also still want to live in Isla Vista. but some times we don't get everything we want. i was lucky enough to be with her for almost 5 years, maybe it's time to move on. "but aren't you heartbroken?" sonny. my friend. look at us. neither of us dress up to go to work. neither of us have ever had trouble finding girlfriends. in fact lesbians... lalala lesbians stop kissing girls to kiss us and they dont stop kissing us for years. why is that? is it because we're so damn witty? no. i hate to break it to you, but no. is it because we're pretty boys? uh, no. is it because we're girlie? dude, you smell like shit, shoot pornography and hunt; i dress like shit, play fantasy football and listen to metal. we are healthy young american boys who know where the fun is and all the girls of the world want that. what we need are the two things that are way more important than last minute pleas and sadness: we need jobs and a sweet pad. maybe one in baltimore. "hows about malibu?" ok.















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