tony + mary!
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nothing in here is true


   Monday, November 27, 2006  
today's jimi hendrix's birthday. its 443am. im sleepy, i hafta pee, ive got Mystery Train on the tivo, ive got the space heater on, ive got a big thing of apple juice on the coffee table, but i wont pee till i post on the busblog cuz if i go to the bathroom then i will brush my teeth and if i brush my teeth then i will go to bed, and if i go to bed i will read the bible because its still technically Sunday in this house, and if i read anything i will pass out.

exchange student told me to piss off today during the bears game because she cant stand mice. i tried to convince her that i bought a bag of cotton balls and a little jar of peppermint xtract at the Vons first thing this morning and put peppermint cotton balls all around my house.

she was all thats the most ridiculous thing ever. and i was all no baby the house smells better than it ever has and according to every web site i found mice cant stand the smell of peppermint for some reason and she said youre the weirdest man ever and i said indeed and to be honest baby with all this extract floating around in the air im starting to get a little head ache so how about coming over and giving me a little head - click.

then the bears lost. then my neighbors asked me to help them with their flat tire. then i wrote and wrote on LAist. then i played tiger woods 2006 on my psp. then i watched 60 minutes then i watched all these Entourages in a row. then i watched the VH1 telecast of the UK Rock n Roll Hall of Fame where they inducted Led Zep, James Brown, Brian Wilson, Prince, and Bon Jovi.

You heard me, Bon Jovi.

Those legends. Those ground breakers. Those masters.

On my tombstone i want it to say Life Isn't Fair, Hopefully Heaven is Full of Fucking

or something along those lines.

and if there is sex in Heaven and Jon Bon Jovi is getting more tail than me im gonna have a little talk with whoevers in charge of that shit because i like You Give Love A Bad Name just as much as the next guy but nothing those fuckers ever wrote could have even made it on Coda let alone Smile or Lovesexy.

Part of me worries that i will be alone for the rest of my life but then part of me realizes that i get so much more shit done when im not on the phone trying to charm some ho into putting on a skirt and driving over here just so i can slip my hand under it and see whats doin.

and not only do i have a reporter going over to usc to interview the cheerleaders, but that peppermint shit totally works.

the best of LAist from Wednesday afternoon to Monday Morning

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