tony + mary!
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nothing in here is true


   Friday, February 15, 2002  
hot black chick walked down the stairs at the wilshire/vermont station past the cops who smiled a hello and she smiled one back.

when she reached the bottom of the stairs the train arrived and she got on the car next to the driver, like i did.

we left the station and approached the next stop and before we did the driver announced on the PA, "Next stop, Wilshire and Normandie."

hot black chick yelled, "nobody asked you."

driver replied on the PA, "i know."

we stopped, at the station for a few seconds, there was a series of beeps, the doors shut, the train pulled away, gained momentum and we were on to our last stop.

the driver announced, "next stop, Wilshire and Western."

hot black chick yelled, "hurry up, then."

the train conductors always ease into the Wilshire/Western station because there are many intersecting tracks there since it is the end of the line.

driver announced as we slowed up, "this is the final destination, please make sure you have gathered all of your personal belongings."

then there was a pause.

then he said, "and please, have a good day."

then he added, "except for certain people."

we stopped, she got off the train, strutted past the driver's car, realised she was going to have to walk up stairs if she continued down that direction, turned around, right past me and headed towards the elevator.

i noticed that her super tight black tshirt said, "Cute." but it was written in a type of cursive that wasn't easy to read, so you were forced to decide whether you were going to read her shirt or check out her d-cups.

it was quite a decision.

i walked up the stairs and considered it my morning workout.

made it to the 720 bus, there were three of them waiting for us. i got on the first one that was half-full. the other two were mostly empty but Lord only knows when they would leave that stop. i sat in the back with a talkative older black gentleman and two mexicans who were speaking spanish to each other.

to my surprise, hot black chick got on my bus. she dug through her little purse for change and as she did the big fat black lady busdriver said, "good morning everyone. happy day after valentine's day." and waved at us behind her moving only her fingers. i cant explain it.

hot black chick made her way all the way to the back. the mexicans locked on to her immediately as did the black guy. when she eyed an empty seat near him, he couldnt hold it in any more.

"Got Damn, girl!"

she had tight red pants on, heels, hair done right, ruby red lipstick, very dark black skin, enough attitude for several busses of commuters.

the mexicans spoke spanish and the black guy kept talking to no one in particular. i pretended to be engrossed with my Bukowski poems.

"You know something, fellas," the black guy said, "that is a booty right there. that is a beautiful black booty. mercy. people say black ass like that is an acquired tastes, and i agree."

my stop was coming up.

"once you acquire that shit, you never lose your taste for it."

then he laughed through his smile and it sounded like a hiss, but everyone smiled.

the mexicans did their mexican handshake ending with the knuckle punch and one of them dug into his backpack and retrived a tupperware cube containing his buddy's lunch. and he and i exited through the back door and began our days.

yesterday while i was showering waiting for Ashley to come home for our romantical italian valentines dinner, she was at the Hollywood and Highland stop and saw a bunch of people standing by the red carpet near the Kodak Theatre. Disney was throwing a big thing for Bono from U2, and R.E.M and No Doubt were going to perform. Ashley and her friends stood near the carpet, No Doubt showed up and Ashley got Gwen's autograph and didnt stop smiling all night.

paypal did their IPO yesterday and you fools kept reading Drudge and i wonder, did he tell you to invest in the dot com like i did? doubt it.

   Thursday, February 14, 2002  
more from the readers...

Here is something I wrote for my soul mate and gave it to her today

Valentines Day

I have never experienced a heart as warm as yours

Or a smile that can light up the world like yours

I only know that I am blessed to know you and call you my friend

I love that you know what I am about to say.....

Sometimes we even say the same thing

I love that we share the same ideals, morals and love the same food

I love that we like the same music

I love that no matter what mood I am in you make me laugh

I love that we can sit in silence and watch the wind......

And share a sandwich on a bench

I love that when we disagree about something, it always has...

A positive outcome

I love that I can talk with you about anything and you will listen

I love that we are each others biggest fan

I love that people love who you are

I love that you were blessed with the beautiful children that you always
yearned for...

Good things should happen to good people

I love that we can dance for no reason

If I wanted to run down the street in the rain you would run with me

You have seen me at my best and still hung with me at my worst

You have shared my happiness and felt my pain

I wish that the whole world could experience a soul mate

I don't know if we are, but if we are not I want her to be like you
Dear Cupid,

Since you asked yesterday about fond valentine memories ... I will share mine with you.

Normally, I don't believe in Valentine's day. I think if there is someone you like - you should tell them and often.

This isn't a cynical or bitter belief - it's just that to have a national holiday of love is a bit strange.

We should always love eachother and if you are fortunate to have a True Love - you are blessed daily to be with them.
Be sweet and loving often.

Squeeze them tight.

Love them well. I have been very fortunate to have a few valentines in my life and one year it was Philip one my college study

Philip was one of three men in the speech and hearing program at UCSB. He was super smart, shy and on the UCSB fencing team.

Can you imagine? He was cute in his fencing suit and quite confident when he wore it.

That isn't to say he wasn't so confident outside the uniform -he was just so quiet and much gentler than when he was trying to jab his fencing opponents with his

Anway, he asked me to be his valentine. It was so endearing. Plus, I really enjoyed his company. What a day and evening it turned out to be.

Philip picked me up and took me to the Santa Barbara Zoo. That particular zoo isn't anything special, kind of small and a tad depressing from what I
remember. The worst part is the sad giraffe that used to be there for years!

He had a goiter of some sort portruding from his neck.

It's a giraffe not a camel! But the zookeepers assured me that he wasn't in any pain. It just didn't look pleasant.

Philip brought a picnic for us though and after observing the monkeys we proceeded to enjoy a nice lunch.

After the zoo - he took me back to his apartment. He remembered us discussing "The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe" and since it was a
childhood favorite of both of ours, had it ready for us to watch.

Since drinking alcohol was out of the question - he had non-alcoholic sparkling cider for us to drink.

Seriously, one of the sweetest boys around.

The topper was that he gave me a hand drawn rose valentine that he sketched with colored pencils. He even wrote "Happy St. Valentine's Day" on it. Very formal and touching.

I still have it in my prized letters.

That is one of my sweetest valentine's days that I can remember...

Quite lovely.


The Sap.
the kids are alright me and my friend were talking last night while celebrating Jeanine's birthday. he is a terrific writer and someone who i could easilly find myself collaborating with someday as he is also an accomplished editor, and i am super lazy and sometimes needs lots and lots of help and motivation.

anyway, i was trying to inspire him to write again and here now are two examples on why we should all get our stuff out there, damn to the demons inside us that say we suck.

first there is the case of the twentysomething girlie who flew from Carolina with her best friend to see their favorite band Tsar, and wound up crashing at my house. well one of the girls, it appears got four tattoos, one each of the symbols of each member of Tsar. say all you will about Tsar only selling a few thousand records, one that they sold obviously hit its mark with this gurl and that mark now will last forever.

then there is the very nice Midwesterners, who are putting together a book detailing the effects of 9/11 through people's emails, web pages, and other correspondences. Apparently these fellows are famous rock and roll insiders of some sort, one managed bands like the New York Dolls, one has been writing about music for 20 years - basically living the lives we all wish we could be living.

Eric, wrote a few emails of praise to me, which always gets a reply, and posted them, with links, on his site this morning.

You never know who's out there reading your stuff, huh? You might get hot girls from back east, cool guys from the midwest... you might even get sweet souls from the Defense Information Systems Agency. (Just imagine if i actually wrote decently.)

One tip for my pals at DISA, Netscape has newer versions other than 3.0, but now that I think of it, 3.0 is pre-AOL's buyout of them, so I bet it's way more stable. So nevermind, carry on.
Happy Valentine's Day to all the ladies.

Anna had a big win on Tuesday in Antwerp, Belgium, unfortunately that meant she had to face Venus on Wednesday. Guess who got stomped.

It's cool cuz she looked good and not only kept with the same blue outfit, but added some cute little baby blue barrettes.

"I wish you happy valentine, but you don't deserve it," she wrote in an email and followed it up with a series of forwarded dirty jokes. She claims that I have hardend my heart to her and I wrote back saying, "Impossible."

she wrote back and said, "all you ever do is write mean things about me and make fun at me. you never write sweet little details of me any more. you never say that you love me."

and she was right, of course. i hadn't.

oh, anna, my mistress from moscow, my...

she said, "don't call me your mistress."

i said, oh anna, my loving cup from far above, my turtle dove, my irish creme, my fondest wish, my everything.

then she said, "your beautiful lies are cold to me."

i said, somethings are better cold, no?

she said not love.

and softly hung up her tiny phone.

happy valentines day, anyway. i wrote on a gum wrapper and attached to a pigeon and whispered in its ear and watched as it flew east.

and i said fly, little bird, fly.

and watched it disappear into the horizon.

hoping that it would avoid the engines of all the jets bound for the same journey.


   Wednesday, February 13, 2002  
back to jeanine...The other day when I got my lottery ticket for the $125 million jackpot, I thought about, as I normally do, what I would do with the money.

The first thing I thought of was that I would buy all of my previous girlfriends a house. In Mary and Michele's cases, I would pay off their houses. In AJ's case, I wouldnt do shit cuz she doesnt even talk to me anymore so, tough crapola. Linda's house is already paid off, I'm pretty sure, so maybe I'll get her a couple of cars and set up a college fund for her little daughter. Ashley will get a scholarship to UCSB and a pink VW Bug.

With $125 million you can do these things.

Then I thought I would start a magazine with all of my friends here in LA. But then I couldn't think of a name for it. So I thought I could just help get Nerve back in the newstands where it belongs. Damn that was a great mag.

And then, of course, I would start up an ownership group of real Cubs fans to buy out Tribune Corp who couldnt give a rat's ass about our beloved team - and I am completely worried as to what they are going to be doing when they finish their remodeling of Wrigley Field.

PayPal, my love

PayPal was supposed to go IPO this week. I don't think they went for it. They should. That fucking thing is so good. Not only did I sell my No Doubt in Vegas tickets through eBay and got my money an hour later via PayPal (and subsequently paid Directv through my PayPal debit card) (and subsequently was able to see the Olympics) but since I now have a little cash left over in my account to spend on Ashley for V-Day, I wanted to take out some of it thru an ATM.

Well, because I'm a loser, I had forgotten my PIN number for my PayPal debit/credit card, because I never use it to withdraw cash - cuz i hardly ever have cash in there - cuz all i have in there is the $327 that the nice strangers have given me for my Snoop DeVille fund.

Lo and behold, if you go to the PayPal site and type in your password you can change your PIN number instantly!!! let me repeat that again: !!!

PayPal, after I buy a few rounds for Jeanine, I will be toasting you.
i have the coolest readers

Mr. Pierce,

I think I might be the guy you are referring to in your 2/7 entry. Did the
IP address show KSC [ Kennedy Space Center ]?

I'm not by any stretch of the imagination an expert on the astronauts, let
alone the Black ones, so I'd be reluctant to be interviewed on that topic.
Plus, NASA employees are supposed to have all interviews OK'd by the Public
Affairs office. If you're really interested in talking to someone on that
topic, I might be able to refer someone to you. Let me know. Also, if you
choose to mention this e-mail on your weblog, I'd appreciate it if you would
keep my name private.


   Tuesday, February 12, 2002  
In a couple of days it will be Valentine's Day. email me your sweet stories of this day or your not-so-sweet stories. I will add pictures and put a few of them up on my main page on Thursday. Go ahead, it'll be fun.
Happy Birthday, Honest Abe. There's a lot of things that you can find on a lot of sites, but I doubt that many can boast such a sweet winkin lincoln as this.

I know that we didn't hit upon too much Black History Month today, but today is Fat Tuesday and I'm a little hung from partying last night and interviewing one of the finest Black female web designers around. Just so happens that she is 21, single, and living large in Dallas, TX. I'm hoping to have the interview up tonight, but now her site is down for renovations, so I hope that it will be up soon, and when it is, so will be the Q & A.

Also Ashley has a few days off so she's heading into town to share Valentine's Day with me. Can you believe that she has never had a Valentine? All the previous Valentines that I have had will attest that I am not the best one you could settle for, but I suppose a mediocre one is better than none at all.

On a different topic, I agree with Sara that the Dog Show is mighty spectacular. And Joe Garagiola is funnier than ever. A television event totally worthy of Sweeps Week. No joke.

To The Would-Have-Beens: And on a sadder note, Greg's Blog reminds us that today would have been Popsicko / Glitterbug / Wonderfuls front man Keith Brown's 33rd birthday. The Wonderfuls, I am not ashamed to say it, was my favorite band in IV. Take two members of Tsar, add Greg and Keith and you must admit, it's mighty hard to top. I am so grateful to have lived with Whalen and Greg in LA during Popsicko's last days because I doubt I would have ventured out to places like Raji's to watch them open for bands like Butt Trumpet (who were suprisingly spectacular).

The legend goes that Keith was either on heroin or coming off it, or there was some of it in him and it made him drowsy and he crashed his car while driving back from LA to Santa Barbara and he died.

So, needless to say, don't drink and drive, dont do drugs and drive. Dont be sleepy and drive. Please pull over and get your Z's.

When me and Jeanine lived together Popsicko had their practice studio right across the street and I spent many an afternoon with my tv set down playing Sega listening to them practice the tunes of their first album and loving life. Keith had those guys going over every damn note, meticulously. is now a tribute to this undisputed rock star worthy of many shrines.
sometimes it isnt even worth the kilobytes, but what the hell. fuck you fellas for sending that old gray ghost at me every morning. if he doesnt write this in the reports, heres what really happens at least once a week.

i lose him at the ralphs, i lose him at the rite aid, i lose him at wilshire and vermont, or i lose him at wilshire western.

ralphs is the easiest. it has two back doors, two mens rooms in the back area, all those aisles, all those people. rite aid has a front door and a back door and no one in there in the mornings so he can't hide so he watches me go in the front and waits for me to go out the back. this is a child's game and i never lose so who's the child?

i saw you moved him in down the block. it was i who put up the "Convicted Child Molester" document on his front door last friday and laughed and laughed as it stayed up there all day saturday and all day sunday, only to be ripped down sunday evening when he got back from his weekend at his boyfriends. not that theres anything wrong with that, but theres something pisspoor about lack of professionalism and willingness to fail.

i got out of bed 10 minutes early this morning and didnt see him anywhere. saw your boy the tall marine instead. why do you all carry so much in your packs? gray hair has a backpack that is bursting, marine carries a dufflebag. how are you going to catch up to me at the wilshire fairfax 99 cent store that has a front and back door with a duffle bag through those narrow aisles? gray guy has a limp, now marine has a limp cuz i pay the bums behind Johnnies to bash their knees with a crowbar and when i worked for you i didnt get paid shit and i give those guys $20 each to crowbar your best men and $20 more if i see a limp and guess what, i give bonuses on top of that.

you trained me, you fucked with me, you lost me, you lose me.

some bright boy tried to put a bug in my water heater (!) and when i couldnt get a bunch of really hot water, guess what the mexican maintenence man found? a waterproof listening device with your signature all over it. didnt i see that at the Detective Store at Fisherman's Wharf, but it doesnt sell, cuz it never worked. merle, it still doesnt work

i dont mind the attention, i mind the lack of respect. it's embarrasing. it's insulting.

you know what i'd like to see, you know what would be class? here's what i would do if i were you: find out what the perp likes. do something that slightly alters his behavoir - and no, not a hot chick. let's say he takes a certain bus at a certain time because he likes the driver or a passenger or an individual bus that's clean or always empty. and then when you want to fuck with him, have his favorite busdriver turn to him one day as he's flashing his pass, and say, "good morning, sonny."

and that, i promise you, will ruin that fucker's day.

now go jerk off and yell and stew, just like you always do.

   Monday, February 11, 2002  
All I gotta say is: 09, 14, 39, 42, 44 and 11
even though he doesn't know why, i interviewed Oliver Willis of SportsFilter last night. i had read oliver on metafilter for some time, and then I met him at the LA Blogger party at Brian's house. im not really one to go to mixers of any sort, but it was such a friendly invite and lots of my friends were already going, so i went and i met some very cool folks including oliver, and i hope you enjoy our conversation that took place last night.

this weekend i got to spend a lot of time with my friends that i barely see enough of and i had a chance to see "Black Hawk Down" which I really loved. i am such a pacifist, but some really good war movies can have me buzzing for days and i will say that i am still thinking about how good that movie is. at one point my date turned to me with tears in her eyes saying, "i dont want to watch this any more," and that's when you know you have something powerful.

best part about it: they never once play "The Space Between," the Dave Matthews Band hit that they use in the commercials. I've always admired you, Ridley, but what was up with "G.I. Jane?"

I only missed one birthday this weekend, two really. My good pals Hiram and Mark both celebrated their birthdays on Sunday, but I was too beat and I had no ride to make it over to the wessside. If Karisa hadn't been in NYC on business, I would have gone with her, but I hope they understand. Such fine gentlemen. Hiram and I hired the first 100 eReps at PeopleSupport and Mark ended up being my boss after the company laid me off and then was forced to hire me back. All of that was so wild, and now that I am removed from it a tad, perhaps a lot of the dot-coms were being run by a bunch of people that should have stayed in the fields that they had come from.

But Hiram and I were both very mellow, very idealistic, very interested in hiring the right mix of generally excellent non-assholes who got it about respect and intelligence and fun. Plus it was great to hire some amazingly hot chicks every now and then and then giggle about it later. Only once were we unsure about a hire, and she turned out to be pretty good too, so we were lucky.

Mark had the unfortunate duty of trying to manage a guy who had hired him. He did a good job, kept me happy, kept me on a team that I ended up loving almost right away. Here's what I have to say about Mark: if you can get a guy to come in to work at 6am after he had been coming in to work Whenever He Damn Well Pleased, and do it at half his salary and stripped of any real power, and keep that fool working for you for nearly six months, you've acheived a miraculous feat.

So I hope your birthdays were good, my friends, and I hope the booze went down smoothly.